Torn In Two

Had something serious happen to me Friday, just wanted to update you all in case you were wondering why I hadn't been around.

At about 5am Friday morning my ex beat me up in front of our 7 yr old daughter. He was arrested for 2 felonies. Corporal injury to a cohabitant, and a count of child endangerment.

This event has totally rattled me physically, and mentally. I have slept 6 hrs in the last 2 days. I feel so blah, like almost worthless, kind of weird. I really have no support, or anyone to talk to besides some stranger on some emergency hotline.

I was granted a temporary order of protection against him and he can not come within 100 yards of us. This expired Friday. I will try to get a permanent one.

I am so torn. THis is my daughter's father, always been in her life daily. I also feel like, this has happened before, (not this bad), but happens about once a year. This was the 1st time my daughter has witnessed anything. She was so scared. He was actually reaching over her, to punch me in the face. Terrible, I feel so sick inside. I can't sleep. I fall asleep and wake up within 30 minutes gasping for air, freaking out, I don't know why. I can't relax.

My daughter is carrying his picture around, whining, and telling me "this is all your fault," or "you did this." It makes me feel so sick, I just cry. I haven't eaten since this happened either. I spent a night at the hospital, nothing broken, but bad bruising and cuts on my face. The police took lots of pictures.

I don't know what to do. I feel bad for my daughter. I really have a hard time opening up to people, but I feel like I have gotten to know some of you here, and thought it would be good for me to get this out and maybe get some advice, or thoughts.

I hope this is easy enough to read. My thoughts are scrambled and am sure there are typos.

Thanks....

This was not easy to read, but not because it was poorly written.

I can't even begin to imagine what you have been going through.

I have no advice but I know that if this has happened once it has already happened too many times.

I'm sure it can't be easy, but I hope you're able to make a change that will benefit both you and your daughter.

You have many friends here if you ever need anything or just need to talk.

NDN

Well first of all I am sorry to hear that. My sister went through the same thing. She got a restraining order and that did not work. So she came to me and told me what happen. And when she did that I took care of it. But you need to be safe. For you and your daughter. I really hope everthing works out for you.

IF you wanna talk........ email/msn/aim/phone me up.

Dont really know what to say on here

I am so very sorry. Please know that I will be keeping you and your daughter in my prayers, and praying for a safe solution for all of you. Know that you do not suffer alone, and there are people out there willing to help in any way they can, even if it is just to listen. I am also available by chat, just look me up any time. Stay safe.

i did understand it

Never, if this comes off cold and unemotional please forgive me. I'm going to take the approach I take at work. First and foremost is to find a safe place for both you and your daughter. Second, you need to sit down with your daughter and explained what happened and why "Daddy" got in trouble. Third, you need to get as far away from him as possible. It's be documented thousands of times that if a women gets abused once, it will continue until the situation is changed, usually by the aggressor going to jail. Please seek out help, both for you and your daughter. Visit a councilor, a close friend, a parent, or a stranger that will listen. There is a "mental" condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's when something bad happens and the brain walls off the memories to protect the person. The only problems is that you will have flashbacks, reoccurring memories, and other problems that will affect your ability to be a parent. I've dealt with others that have been in your situation through my job. I tell them the exact same advice. I know it will be hard, but it's worse if you stay for your daughters sake. If you every need to talk, look me up on Yahoo, I will make sure it's posted in my profile.

Don't forget that your daughter doesn't blame you, she just doesn't understand. If you make the right choice for you it will carry over to her. Being alone can be overwhelming but, in order to be great you must overcome great adversity. I wish you the best.

Well he pleaded not guilty in court yesterday, and now we go to trial. This is such bs. Now my poor daughter has to get up there and testify, she was the only witness. I'm going crazy. I can't sleep, relax, think, i feel like a zombie.

please just dont have a glass of wine. Go for a walk and talk to someone close, i hope all works out well. I understand the feeling ona different kind of way and I have read your posts. This is the time to take charge and not sit back and relax with a drink. Stand up and be proud for yourself and your daughter and shine in court. The judge will see it and award you full custody, and make that a-hole pay

Well jury selection begins Wednesday. I am so uncomfortable with this. Have any of you been in a trial, I need some info on what to be prepared for when they question me or my daughter. This is making me even more stressed, I thought I was going to die earlier, I couldnt breathe well and had to keep focusing on my breathing it was so hard, I almost blacked out several times. Could this be stress?

I just want this **** to be over, so I can pick up the pieces and start over.

The only thing i can say is to tell the truth. And bring someone with you to the court house. And when you see this ASSHOLE in the hallway just do not say anything to him. And be prepared for a lot of question about your personal life. Well i hope everthing works out for you.

So I am feeling pretty good about going to court, feeling strong and SUPPORTED. Not sure what happens after jury selection Wednesday, but will let you know. I hope this goes fast, so I can be done with it, and put it behind me.

Honestly though, I feel really lonely. I mean even though I haven't been in love with this guys for a long time, I still always had a companion there with me you know. I'm not used to being alone in that way. Been with him since I was 14. Not saying I want him, just saying it is hard. Everything has just been flipped around so hard to get used to it all, but it is for the best I know. I really really really just want someone to hold me and tell me they are going to protect me. Anone from Cali? Gosh here I go, getting all emotional, sorry guys! Hope you get what I am saying and why I did that!

SO jury selection starts tomorrow, and not sure what happens next. I am pretty anxious, and ready to do this. I think once this is done, and I dont have to see or talk to him anymore, I can put it behind me, and work on the rest of the things that I am feeling and going through. Thanks for the support, as always.

Today is the 1st day since this all happened where I have not had a drink, or any pills to numb the pain, it is going better than I thought but still hard.

My bruises on the inside are far worse than the visible ones. I am really thinking I need to get someone to talk to. i just feel all those emotions just racing through me all day. It is hard to process anything. I think it would help to get some of this is, and begin to repair myself.

SO this is going to be a long, slow road, but with your help, and support it doesn't seem so long, thanks!

listen, if there's one thing i learned after screwing up alot, alot, alot of times in college, it's that things always seem to work themselves out...not at all saying you screwed up, just using my personal experiences for example...and that guy you were with, he's not a man, he's a little girl for beating up on a woman...guys that beat women, usually dont have the balls to stand up to real men when the situation arises...stuff like this angers me very much, bc my mother went through physical and mental abuse from her second husband, whom i threatened with a baseball bat at age 17...anyways, goodluck in court, give yuor daughter a hug bc you both need it, and like tupac says...Keep ya head up!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kingsnthahole

listen, if there's one thing i learned after screwing up alot, alot, alot of times in college, it's that things always seem to work themselves out...not at all saying you screwed up, just using my personal experiences for example...and that guy you were with, he's not a man, he's a little girl for beating up on a woman...guys that beat women, usually dont have the balls to stand up to real men when the situation arises...stuff like this angers me very much, bc my mother went through physical and mental abuse from her second husband, whom i threatened with a baseball bat at age 17...anyways, goodluck in court, give yuor daughter a hug bc you both need it, and like tupac says...Keep ya head up!

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Yeah actually he was too ****y. I called the cops on him long ago was about 6 yrs ago, he was hitting me, not as sever as this time but still. Anyways this rookie cop shows up, and he got all the info and was telling my ex he is under arrest, and to put his hands behind his back. My ex told him, "you ain't arresting nobody, see that dog right there(he pointed to our dog, (a big american bulldog) if you try to touch me him and I will fu*k you up" I heard this i was inside they were outside, the cop then comes in the house and tells me, "is there somewhere you can go for the night, I don't feel like getting my *** kicked" I was like are you fn serious? No there aint nowhere I can go. Anyways after that, I never called them anymore, and I was hit a lot, b ut this last time, we were in a new city, and I was tired of it, and he hurt me really bad, so I called again, and I was so worried they wouldt do anything, but they did.

We will see you through this. You are not alone.

Hope everything worksout well for you and your daughter today. Please protect her and yourself. Do whatever you can to survive. Your friend Jeff

Just wanted to update on what's going on.

I got a call last night around 10pm, it was an automated message stating that he was released from jail. I got pretty upset, I thought things were finally going to happne, jury selection etc. So apparently his lawyer told him if he switched his plea to guilty, he would get out that day, so that's what he did.

He was ordered to take 52 weeks of Domestic Violence classes, and pay a $1,500 court fine. Ok big deal. As glad as I am that my daughter will not have to be put through the stress of testifying, I feel ripped off.

I am so messed up over this on so many levels, and probably will be for while. I also know my daughter is having some issues from what she saw, and may have problems in the future. His charges were dropped to misdemeanors. As a victim, I feel like this is not just, but what is?

I sure hope things get alot better for you, somehow I missed this post.ND is right not easy to read.I hope all is well and one day he will get whats coming to him.

what crap huh? but you are lucky that it's over and now it's up to you to make sure he isn't allowed around your home. remember it's your home and not his! Your the one who has to stop him from coming around because the law wont always be there to help. You were also lucky that when this did happen that the court was moving so fast. Normally things like this drag on forever before it actually goes to court and FYI they would never have put your daughter on the stand because prosecutors wont allow a child so young to be cross examined. They may have just interviewed her and used her statement out loud. (PS/ i know all this from friends that have experienced the same thing)

and maybe ask about Victim's services. There is a lot of help out there. They will help in every way they can and offer counselling to you and your daughter if you feel you need it. good luck and remember it's your move next, what you want to happen with this guy is your choice.

ok just saw this thread tonight too.. gee girl ...please keep yourselves safe......I think u should seek out a womans crisis councelor....to prepare yourself if he doesnt back off....there are services out there that will help you....... what is wrong with this man? What makes people think they can hurt others....