Love

[bouks999]

I love my fiancee but he is getting on my nerves. Is that allright. Well he yells at me every day for stupid crap that has nothing to do with anything. Pushes my buttons. But then other days he could be so sweet. he has add atention deficit disorder and hes always all over the place. He somethimes yells at me in front of our daughter mckenzie. And it hurts me. I get so frusterated i just wanna scream. I have no friends bc i watch the baby half the time. He has all these friends and when i talk about his low life friends he just says im saying it bc i have none. I just dont know what to do. My mom wants me to live with her me and the baby but i dont wanna leave him bc i love him so much. Any advice

[taylovesthebeatles]

Is he yelling at you or is he yelling about some situation in general? If he's yelling at you and verbally abusing you and purposefully trying to break you down, then you might want to leave. Especially for your daughter's sake- even if things like that aren't directed toward a child, they pick up on it pretty easily and it affects them a lot. If he just gets upset about situations easily though, but is otherwise kind to you, then I wouldn't worry too much. As long as he's not taking it out personally on anyone, then he's just letting off steam probably- which, while hard to deal with sometimes, isn't really abusive behavior or anything. At the end of the day though, it's ultimately up to what you feel is personally best for you and your daughter, not what anyone else thinks you should do. And no matter what, don't let how he feels influence your decision.

If you need someone to talk to I've still got you on my Yahoo list, you can hit me up any time pretty much.

[bouks999]

ty much i will. I dont know if hes letting of steam but he can be pretty rude sometimes. Like today when he was sleeping i took the lasagna out of the oven and didnt wake him he called me stupid for leaving it out that long and not waking him. He can get nasty. I tell he needs anger management cus he does. He gets mad bc im on the com alot but its my time to relax i work he doesnt bc he has to take our daughter to the hospital. But it seems like hes on my ***

[PANAMHIEST]

I would reccomend maybe a few days awy. go spend some time with your mom, and just get away for while, but dont reak up yet. When you come back after having a few calm conversation on the phone about how you feel, things should change for the better for a while. Sounds like yall just need to get out of each others hair for a while.

[BnLM5]

ty much i will. I dont know if hes letting of steam but he can be pretty rude sometimes. Like today when he was sleeping i took the lasagna out of the oven and didnt wake him he called me stupid for leaving it out that long and not waking him. He can get nasty. I tell he needs anger management cus he does. He gets mad bc im on the com alot but its my time to relax i work he doesnt bc he has to take our daughter to the hospital. But it seems like hes on my ***

I don't know your situation so it is really hard to say what I think about it. But from the part I do hear you feel like you are being mistreated in some way as you are down about it. You also sound resentful to me. As I think he handled the lasagna situation very rudely in my opinion. There are much better ways to tell you that maybe it would be a better idea to put food in the frig if we don't plan on eating it right away in the future. Rather than be an *** about it. You sound angry that you have to work and he doesn't I don't blame you but then you say because he has to take your daughter to the hospital. So I can't say that I think he is wrong because I don't know the situation with the hospital. But the truth of the matter is.... That you are really the only one that knows what you "should" do. Sometimes the things that we should do are not always the things that we want to do. And that sucks!

[freeringo]

ty much i will. I dont know if hes letting of steam but he can be pretty rude sometimes. Like today when he was sleeping i took the lasagna out of the oven and didnt wake him he called me stupid for leaving it out that long and not waking him. He can get nasty. I tell he needs anger management cus he does. He gets mad bc im on the com alot but its my time to relax i work he doesnt bc he has to take our daughter to the hospital. But it seems like hes on my ***

This is a very good quality post.
This is what we are here for, to help other members get through life events. We are your friends bouks999. I just realized you were a girl.
I am going to give you an answer to your questions in a little while.
I have alot to say on this subject and I want to think about it longer.
First advice is to be patient and don't over react to his extreme behavior.
You need to be a rock for what I am about to tell you to do.

[BnLM5]

This is a very good quality post.
This is what we are here for, to help other members get through life events. We are your friends bouks999. I just realized you were a girl.
I am going to give you an answer to your questions in a little while.
I have alot to say on this subject and I want to think about it longer.
First advice is to be patient and don't over react to his extreme behavior.
You need to be a rock for what I am about to tell you to do.

Ringo, Ringo, Ringo.... the last post that I read of yours with a response to bouks999, you said (NDN wrote a post on this but I am too lazy to look for it for you) or something to that effect. But now that you have realized that bouks999 is a girl now you are gonna put some time into this post. Even though I think you will give her very good and honest, sound advise. I still think that's funny, and you made me laugh!

[freeringo]

Ringo, Ringo, Ringo.... the last post that I read of yours with a response to bouks999, you said (NDN wrote a post on this but I am too lazy to look for it for you) or something to that effect. But now that you have realized that bouks999 is a girl now you are gonna put some time into this post. Even though I think you will give her very good and honest, sound advise. I still think that's funny, and you made me laugh!

It was the truth, I was too lazy.
The girl factor is not important.
The subject matter is.

Lori Lori Lori
I am glad you are laughing while reading between the lines.

[BnLM5]

It was the truth, I was too lazy.
The girl factor is not important.
The subject matter is.

Lori Lori Lori
I am glad you are laughing while reading between the lines.

I laughed again when I just read it again to see if I missed a line or two. haha! What lines am I skipping? I need you to point them out to me please. I usually don't miss too much.

[freeringo]

ty much i will. I dont know if hes letting of steam but he can be pretty rude sometimes. Like today when he was sleeping i took the lasagna out of the oven and didnt wake him he called me stupid for leaving it out that long and not waking him. He can get nasty. I tell he needs anger management cus he does. He gets mad bc im on the com alot but its my time to relax i work he doesnt bc he has to take our daughter to the hospital. But it seems like hes on my ***

Tough Love is in order.
You are working and he is not. He needs to find comfort in his roll in your family. Rolls are changing in many families. I am not working and my wife works. I don't want it that way. The last 15 years I have done everything in my power so she didn't have to work. Things change and we all need to roll with the punches.
First things first.
Write him a heartfelt letter while at work or away from home.
Describe your love for him and understanding for what he might be going through emotionally. Tell him how proud you are of him for excepting his roll as a house dad. Tell him that you are so excited about the life you will both share. Tell him and believe in your heart that he is your best friend. Tell him how his displays of anger upsets you and hurts your heart as well as your daughters. Don't ever tell him he needs anger management.
That fuels the fire in a man. No one in my oppinion needs anger management because it is so much simpler than that. Anger Management can complicate and confuse the situation.
Tell him what you expect of him on a daily basis around the house without scolding or getting mad about it. Be sexually submissive, this will help him
stay confident about his manhood. Let him wear the pants in the family.
It takes time for a man to adjust to a domestic roll.

Now back to the simple plan.

Tell the truth at all times and your verbage should be supportive.
Even in an argument, realize that both of you need to vent, some more than others. Venting is so important, but just as important is being able to react positively to the others venting.
This is why the letter is so important. Let him know that you want him to vent and you understand his need too. But, for your daughters sake, he needs to learn to tone it down some and be made to realize that venting is healthy for his emotional state as long as he sees it as venting and doesn't see it as anger or frustration.
It sounds like you are the more stable one emotionally, but sexually submissive does not mean you should be submissive in the family forum.
You are the worker in the family and you should demand from both your man and your daughter some simple comforts when you get home.
Dinner made, house clean and the clothes washed. Don't be a ***** about it unless it just isn't getting done, then you have a bigger problem.
Everyone has the ability to change, have faith that your man can overcome his weaknesses and become a vital part of your families life.
Here's a good one to use:
Tell him that he is the glue that holds your family together and that neither one of you could make it on your own.

It's a scary world out there by yourself. Cherish what you have and the family you have made together. You both are truly blessed, now it's time to work on your emotional health for a while. Stay positive even through
the bad times, because being consumed by negativity is no way to live.

[freeringo]

I laughed again when I just read it again to see if I missed a line or two. haha! What lines am I skipping? I need you to point them out to me please. I usually don't miss too much.

I got honey do's to do and don't have time to look many things up.
Boy did that sound corny
I can live with it.

[freeringo]

I laughed again when I just read it again to see if I missed a line or two. haha! What lines am I skipping? I need you to point them out to me please. I usually don't miss too much.

Here's something you might want to miss.
My daughter thought it was hilarious.

[BnLM5]

Tough Love is in order.
You are working and he is not. He needs to find comfort in his roll in your family. Rolls are changing in many families. I am not working and my wife works. I don't want it that way. The last 15 years I have done everything in my power so she didn't have to work. Things change and we all need to roll with the punches.
First things first.
Write him a heartfelt letter while at work or away from home.
Describe your love for him and understanding for what he might be going through emotionally. Tell him how proud you are of him for excepting his roll as a house dad. Tell him that you are so excited about the life you will both share. Tell him and believe in your heart that he is your best friend. Tell him how his displays of anger upsets you and hurts your heart as well as your daughters. Don't ever tell him he needs anger management.
That fuels the fire in a man. No one in my oppinion needs anger management because it is so much simpler than that. Anger Management can complicate and confuse the situation.
Tell him what you expect of him on a daily basis around the house without scolding or getting mad about it. Be sexually submissive, this will help him
stay confident about his manhood. Let him wear the pants in the family.
It takes time for a man to adjust to a domestic roll.

Now back to the simple plan.

Tell the truth at all times and your verbage should be supportive.
Even in an argument, realize that both of you need to vent, some more than others. Venting is so important, but just as important is being able to react positively to the others venting.
This is why the letter is so important. Let him know that you want him to vent and you understand his need too. But, for your daughters sake, he needs to learn to tone it down some and be made to realize that venting is healthy for his emotional state as long as he sees it as venting and doesn't see it as anger or frustration.
It sounds like you are the more stable one emotionally, but sexually submissive does not mean you should be submissive in the family forum.
You are the worker in the family and you should demand from both your man and your daughter some simple comforts when you get home.
Dinner made, house clean and the clothes washed. Don't be a ***** about it unless it just isn't getting done, then you have a bigger problem.
Everyone has the ability to change, have faith that your man can overcome his weaknesses and become a vital part of your families life.
Here's a good one to use:
Tell him that he is the glue that holds your family together and that neither one of you could make it on your own.

It's a scary world out there by yourself. Cherish what you have and the family you have made together. You both are truly blessed, now it's time to work on your emotional health for a while. Stay positive even through
the bad times, because being consumed by negativity is no way to live.

Wow Ringo, I think you should be a counselor or something along the lines. really that was very nicely put. I believe you meant it. And maybe that is the way you want to be treated. Either way it was a nice post. very well thought out.

[freeringo]

Wow Ringo, I think you should be a counselor or something along the lines. really that was very nicely put. I believe you meant it. And maybe that is the way you want to be treated. Either way it was a nice post. very well thought out.

That is the way that I am treated and the way I live my life.
Counseling would be OK for awhile, but after lsitening to everyones crud for a couple months would change the person I am inside.
No thanks

[BnLM5]

That is the way that I am treated and the way I live my life.
Counseling would be OK for awhile, but after lsitening to everyones crud for a couple months would change the person I am inside.
No thanks

You always have something nice to say about your wife. She must be a wonderful person. I wish that certain people in my life would learn or realize what the important things in life are. I long for it always!

[freeringo]

You always have something nice to say about your wife. She must be a wonderful person. I wish that certain people in my life would learn or realize what the important things in life are. I long for it always!

She's my best friend and I can't remember the last time we had a fight.
Over 10 years at least.

[bouks999]

ty so much fro the advice. So i had another post that i was trying to write but he made me delete so here goes. I told him today that he hurts me and shouldnt put me down. How would he feel if i put him down. So i feel really depressed im not getting any younger. I need to get my GED and go to college. I wanna be a crime scene investigator. I need to get off my butt but im so really depressed its kinda hard. So i put my face in front of this com so much bc it gets me away from reality. Another thing that depresses me is that i was a size 5 when i got pregnate and now im slowly loosing. And my daughter being in remission gives me something to believe in. And BTW i am female lol. My dad gave the nickname bouks when i was really little. So i use it all the time. So back to the situation at hand. I think im gonna have a serious talk with him. He doesnt understand why i dont wanna spend more time with him. Its bc it always seems like hes mad at me over nothing. I just wish he would chill out sometimes.

[taylovesthebeatles]

Listen to Ringo, his advice is completely right in my opinion.

[BnLM5]

ty so much fro the advice. So i had another post that i was trying to write but he made me delete so here goes. I told him today that he hurts me and shouldnt put me down. How would he feel if i put him down. So i feel really depressed im not getting any younger. I need to get my GED and go to college. I wanna be a crime scene investigator. I need to get off my butt but im so really depressed its kinda hard. So i put my face in front of this com so much bc it gets me away from reality. Another thing that depresses me is that i was a size 5 when i got pregnate and now im slowly loosing. And my daughter being in remission gives me something to believe in. And BTW i am female lol. My dad gave the nickname bouks when i was really little. So i use it all the time. So back to the situation at hand. I think im gonna have a serious talk with him. He doesnt understand why i dont wanna spend more time with him. Its bc it always seems like hes mad at me over nothing. I just wish he would chill out sometimes.

Just hang in there. I know that when I am depressed and I don't want my mind to be on worry especially about my relationship I also get online and I stay there. I hide so deep into NDN forums that if we had tents I would sleep here too. I am so happy to hear the you daughter is in remission. That is wonderful. And as far as the weight goes you will lose it. Sometimes it just takes time. I know the more I set at this computer and the more Pepsi I drink the more I know I am gonna get fat. I just keep telling my husband that if I get fat there will just be a lot more of me to love. lolz

[GloBug]

well girlfriend ill be honest with you. i kinda did the same thing to my wife early on in our relationship when we had our 1st child. i yelled at everything due to the strees of having a kid. i never realized that i was doing wrong because i was doing it so often it felt natural. i always thought in my head that if i dont hit her its not abuse. boy was i wrong. well all said and done she left me one new years eve when i was in lake tahoe. when i got home after 4 days of partying there was nothing left in the house besides my tv, a couch and my cloths. boy was i hurt. she left a note and told me all the wrongs i had done to her. i nerver knew i was doing wrong till that day. boy was that a eye opener. well i cried for like 3 days because both of my babies were gone and i wanted them back. i was finally able to get a hold of her and we talked. i normally would have started to yell but i had a epiphany by her leaving and i talked to her in a calm and collective voice and reasoned with her. well i wasnt mad at her it actually gave me alot of respect for to do what she did. i was more sad then anything. dont let ADD be the excuse because him yelling at has nothing to do with ADD. i say move with your mom and let him realize what he has lost. do it when he isnt around to get the full effect. i would never wish this on anyone but have done it and dont want to see anyone else go thru it. as for friends ehhh friends come and go only the friends u grow up with are the ones u can count on. maybe u can rekindle a old friendsship with some one u went to school with. u never know. dont sit around and think he will change on his own because he wont. trust me ive been where he is now. we dont know we are doing wrong till something is taken away from us. your daughter and you should be the most important. if it is not that way then u may love him but he will never love u the same. dont be afriad of makeing a life altering decision because the future is always brighter. your mom is all the support u need now if he isnt gonna give it to you. stay strong and stand up to him. it will all work out in the end. i will keep u in my thoughts.

[GloBug]

ty so much fro the advice. So i had another post that i was trying to write but he made me delete so here goes. I told him today that he hurts me and shouldnt put me down. How would he feel if i put him down. So i feel really depressed im not getting any younger. I need to get my GED and go to college. I wanna be a crime scene investigator. I need to get off my butt but im so really depressed its kinda hard. So i put my face in front of this com so much bc it gets me away from reality. Another thing that depresses me is that i was a size 5 when i got pregnate and now im slowly loosing. And my daughter being in remission gives me something to believe in. And BTW i am female lol. My dad gave the nickname bouks when i was really little. So i use it all the time. So back to the situation at hand. I think im gonna have a serious talk with him. He doesnt understand why i dont wanna spend more time with him. Its bc it always seems like hes mad at me over nothing. I just wish he would chill out sometimes.

the size of your waistline shouldnt judge love to your partner. keep that in mind. my wife got a little big when she had our second child but i never looked at it that way. i still loved her no matter what. thats what u call true love. there is nothing like it. dont let being a single mom stop u from any of your dreams.

[GloBug]

well girlfriend ill be honest with you. i kinda did the same thing to my wife early on in our relationship when we had our 1st child. i yelled at everything due to the strees of having a kid. i never realized that i was doing wrong because i was doing it so often it felt natural. i always thought in my head that if i dont hit her its not abuse. boy was i wrong. well all said and done she left me one new years eve when i was in lake tahoe. when i got home after 4 days of partying there was nothing left in the house besides my tv, a couch and my cloths. boy was i hurt. she left a note and told me all the wrongs i had done to her. i nerver knew i was doing wrong till that day. boy was that a eye opener. well i cried for like 3 days because both of my babies were gone and i wanted them back. i was finally able to get a hold of her and we talked. i normally would have started to yell but i had a epiphany by her leaving and i talked to her in a calm and collective voice and reasoned with her. well i wasnt mad at her it actually gave me alot of respect for to do what she did. i was more sad then anything. dont let ADD be the excuse because him yelling at has nothing to do with ADD. i say move with your mom and let him realize what he has lost. do it when he isnt around to get the full effect. i would never wish this on anyone but have done it and dont want to see anyone else go thru it. as for friends ehhh friends come and go only the friends u grow up with are the ones u can count on. maybe u can rekindle a old friendsship with some one u went to school with. u never know. dont sit around and think he will change on his own because he wont. trust me ive been where he is now. we dont know we are doing wrong till something is taken away from us. your daughter and you should be the most important. if it is not that way then u may love him but he will never love u the same. dont be afriad of makeing a life altering decision because the future is always brighter. your mom is all the support u need now if he isnt gonna give it to you. stay strong and stand up to him. it will all work out in the end. i will keep u in my thoughts.

oh yeah i forgot to tell u guys we got back together like 2 weeks after she left. and now 8 years down the line we are going stronger than ever. that was the best decision she ever made for both of us. made us alot stronger.

[Pokerkitty6]

Ringo hit the nail on the head with this one and I think Cherish is the key word. If you appreciate what you have and the choice you made then make it work. Treat each other as you would a best friend and remember what your mother taught you. If you don't have something nice to say then don't say it at all. Never ever call each other names and learn how to talk without yelling, this will be learned very quickly by your daughter. Remember you both made the choice to have each other in your life, this was the choice you both made. Do you still want it? If so make it happen. You have one life, don't waste it being angry. Enjoy life every single day, make a point of laughing and having a smile on your face. Besides, if you smile everyday, chances are you won't have frown lines on your face when you get old. Please try to enjoy your life, make each day count.

[taylovesthebeatles]

Ringo hit the nail on the head with this one and I think Cherish is the key word. If you appreciate what you have and the choice you made then make it work. Treat each other as you would a best friend and remember what your mother taught you. If you don't have something nice to say then don't say it at all. Never ever call each other names and learn how to talk without yelling, this will be learned very quickly by your daughter. Remember you both made the choice to have each other in your life, this was the choice you both made. Do you still want it? If so make it happen. You have one life, don't waste it being angry. Enjoy life every single day, make a point of laughing and having a smile on your face. Besides, if you smile everyday, chances are you won't have frown lines on your face when you get old. Please try to enjoy your life, make each day count.

"If you can't say something nice, don't say aaanything at all!" Thumper from Bambi gave this advice too, it's definitely worth following!

[freeringo]

Ringo hit the nail on the head with this one and I think Cherish is the key word. If you appreciate what you have and the choice you made then make it work. Treat each other as you would a best friend and remember what your mother taught you. If you don't have something nice to say then don't say it at all. Never ever call each other names and learn how to talk without yelling, this will be learned very quickly by your daughter. Remember you both made the choice to have each other in your life, this was the choice you both made. Do you still want it? If so make it happen. You have one life, don't waste it being angry. Enjoy life every single day, make a point of laughing and having a smile on your face. Besides, if you smile everyday, chances are you won't have frown lines on your face when you get old. Please try to enjoy your life, make each day count.

Perish the thought of you ever leaving.


Jonh Lennon says: