Jokes Post your Jokes here

[badaace1973]

Heres a place for all the best jokes around the net. So find them and post them here Ill go first

John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete *** of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said John.

'I did. You're back to work on Monday.

[KaciBlakely]

Random numbers generators

Hey sand, how it is going?

What does the random numbers generators have to do with this thead?
just wondering that is.

I just didn't get it.

[sand]

the generators are the joke of the day

[ROGUE63]

Omaha Lesson:

What you do is get four cards. Doesn't matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway. Next, they put three cards on the board. It doesn't matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either. Then one more card for the turn and another one for the river. Same betting scenario as before. Doesn't really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards. These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports.) Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand. You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and and the winning hand is usually found out after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer. The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah,,,sorry" and then sends it in the right direction. Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again. Fun game.

[navuta]

Omaha Lesson:

What you do is get four cards. Doesn't matter much what they are because nobody really looks at them anyway. Next, they put three cards on the board. It doesn't matter what they are because nobody really pays any attention to the flop either. Then one more card for the turn and another one for the river. Same betting scenario as before. Doesn't really matter much what they are, except, for a few of the players that may have "cheated" and looked at their hole cards. These players may now fold if they have absolutely no outs. (Mostly bad sports.) Now, at the showdown, everybody turns over their cards and helps the dealer figure out who has the best hand. You MUST play two cards out of your hand so this usually takes a while and and the winning hand is usually found out after a little bit of searching by all of the players and a partially confused dealer. The dealer now pushes the pot to the wrong player and everybody yells at him and he smiles glibly and says, "Oh yeah,,,sorry" and then sends it in the right direction. Then, after all of that excitement dies down, everybody lets out a collective sigh of relief and gets ready to wind up and do it all over again. Fun game.

lol....true... but this not a joke.. it is just what happens all the time on omaha high/low games....

I think people would spend all their hundreds dolares just to get rake points for their "Free" promotion of the month...
This is a really joke...!!!

[KaciBlakely]

the generators are the joke of the day

i get it now. took a bit of explaining but what you gonna do about it?

[KaciBlakely]

okay so I've been look for this joke for forever.

It's been a while since I heard it.

But I can remember being 12 and thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

I thought it was great because I could cuss and wouldn't get in trouble for it because my parents knew it was a joke and it was a big deal because I grew up in church and that wasn't allowed, you know?

So here's the joke and thank goodness I found it.

It's still funny to me.


There was a city boy who had just moved into the country. He went walking around to check out his surroundings and found a farmer selling chickens. The city boy went over to the farmer to see how much he was selling them for.

The farmer asked him if he wanted a male or a female. The city boy asked for both. So the farmer said, "Here you go, one **** and one pull-it."

The city boy confused asked him what he meant.

The farmer said, "A **** is a male chicken and a pull-it is a female chicken."

The city boy said, "Oh," and went on his way with two chickens one under each arm.

A bit further down the road he saw a donkey for sale. He went to the man who was selling it to find out how much it was.

The man said, "The *** is 15 dollars."

The city boy replied, "No, I want the donkey out side in your yard."

The man just said, "That's an ***."

The city boy, new to these terms, just said, "Oh." and bought the donkey.

As he was leaving the man yelled out, "Wait, the *** gets a bit stubborn about going over hills, so you have to scratch him behind the ears to get him going again."

So the city boy is going back home and the donkey stops dead in its tracks and he can't get it to move. He can't scratch its ear because he would have to drop one of the chickens and it would run away.

So the city boy starts to fuss and yell at the donkey. While he is doing this a beautiful women walks up and asks him if he needs help.

The city boy thinks, hey why don't I try to impress this beautiful women by using my new slang terms that I learned today. So the city boy turns to the woman and says, "Yeah, could you hold my **** and pull-it while I scratch my ***?"

[targetguy1]

i really wouldnt post jokes here to much unless you like loseing your chips you get for this post. i pretty sure ndn made it clear about not posting jokes. if i reacall you can post them but if i dont like them i will deduct chips or something around them lines i am sure. anyways i lost chips a time or 2 from this thread so i refuse to post a joke anymore. anyways just trying to help you guys out so youdo get disappointed later when chips are missing from yout stash

[nodepositneeded]

Jokes are fine to post - I just deduct chips for them.

[KaciBlakely]

I know chips get deducted.

Ndn made it aware. But not everything on this forum is about getting chips.

Sometimes it's just funny to share jokes like this.

That's all I was doing, but thanks for looking out target guy anyways.

What did you guys think of that joke though?