more golf jokes

[BADBEATCHAMP]

hay if anyone has more golf jokes i want to here them lol

[Pokerkitty6]

Hey, guys and gals!
CAUTION!!! They live among us!!
Subject: Actual calls to a golf course

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this
your correct phone number?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the
weather going to be like that day?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running late.
Can you still get me out early?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of
golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that's not it..,,,

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12
o'clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller: What's the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the
afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice
as many small balls for the same price.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if
possible.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's
on the 15th hole.
How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.

Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said
they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?

[Pokerkitty6]

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. Grantland Rice



2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. John Updike



3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. Robert Lynd



4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. Horace G. Hutchinson



5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. Gardner Dickinson



6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. Sam Snead



7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. William Wordsworth



8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. Dean Martin



9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Tommy Bolt



10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. Bishop Sheen



11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. Arnold Palmer



12. My handicap? Woods and irons. Chris Codiroli



13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. Pete Dye



14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! Buddy Hackett



15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. Billy Graham



16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon



17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain



18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. Harry Vardon



19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. Jimmy DeMaret



20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. Ben Hogan



21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. All Us Hackers



22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. George Deukmejian



And Finally – MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE:



23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. Lee Trevino

[Lilred36]

These are all good thanks guys pretty funny.I only can think of a sticker I seen after I almost hit a car from behind,lol.

IF YOU THINK MY DRIVING IS BAD,YOU SHOULD SEE ME PUTT!