Just Jokes...

[eejit101]

Lol, i know.

I made a sarcastic post, instead of a shouting one, as you never do it, you had a reason!


Still - worth a though-Post a great discussion thread, make 4 or 5 good in depth repies, and youve got 500 right there

[Pokerkitty6]

Subject: These sound like blonde jokes....





Why we are in trouble in America ...!!!


A Washington DC airport ticket agent offers some examples:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. While I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, she interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts " Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ' Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?'' I said, 'No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map. (OMG, again!)

5.. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast,and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight.. I think that's very rude!'' After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it (I was dying laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.


8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii .. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. A lady Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. ' Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ''Look, I' ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''


12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .'' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' ''Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' ''The lady retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, 'You don't mean Buffalo , do you?' The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.


Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED!

Hope you got a good chuckle

[BADBEATCHAMP]

lmao man u guys hav great jokes, even tho most of them are prob from other sites

[Pokerkitty6]

I get them thru my emails!!! The golf jokes I pass around at the golf course!
Enjoy anything that makes you laugh!!!!



The golA husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about
psychology
and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey,
that's a
bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that
will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

[Pokerkitty6]

Subject: How Government Works


TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir;

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received
a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising
hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs"
business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the
best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the
best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that
I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental
policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that
is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly
not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in
keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I
haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the
business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so,
and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968,
until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not
raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for
not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale
at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not
raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year.
Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat
100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay
farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for
payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the
4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so
send me any information you have on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will
be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment
and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,
The Farmer

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute
more free cheese.

[Pokerkitty6]

Poor Martha,

Recently she
lost her husband.

She had him
cremated and brought his
ashes home.

Picking up the
urn that he was in, she
poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while
tracing her fingers in the
ashes, she started talking to him.....

"You know
that dishwasher you promised
me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

She paused for
a minute tracing her
fingers in the ashes then said,

"Remember
that car you promised me?
Well, I also bought it with the insurance
money!"

Again, she
paused for a few minutes and
while tracing her fingers in the ashes she
said,

"Remember
that diamond ring you
promised me?
Bought it
too,
with the
insurance money!"
Finally, still
tracing her fingers in
the ashes, she said,

"Remember
that blow job I promised
you?"

"Here it
comes."

[Pokerkitty6]

> Wow...this was eerily very accurate...huh.
> > AMAZINGLY ACCURATE
> >
> >
> >
> > Whatever you do, don't cheat!
> >
> >
> >
> > CHINESE HOROSCOPE:
> >
> >
> >
> > THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON, WISHING YOU PROSPERITY
> AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE
> > CHINESE NEW YEAR
> >
> >
> > FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS - DO NOT CHEAT OR IT WON'T
> WORK AND
> > YOU WILL WISH YOU HAD N`T.
> >
> >
> > TAKE 3 MINUTES - TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.
> > THE PERS ON WHO SENT THIS TO ME SAID HER WISH CAME
> TRUE 10 MINUTES AFTER SHE
> > FORWARDED THE EMAIL. NO CHEATING !!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.DO NOT READ
> AHEAD, JUST DO IT. IT
> > TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY
> >
> >
> > 1st. Get PEN and PAPER
> >
> > 2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES,
> MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY
> > KNOW
> >
> > 3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS!!!!! It's very
> important for good results.
> >
> >
> > 4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME
> > DON`T READ AHEAD
> > otherwise
> >
> > YOU WILL RUI N THE FUN.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through11
> in a COLUMN on the
> > LEFT.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2,
> >
> >
> > WRITE DOWN ANY
> > 2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.
> > DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7,
> >
> >
> > WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO
> MEMBERS
> > OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT
> RIGHT
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > WRITE ANYONES NAME (like FRIENDS or FAMILY. ....)
> >
> >
> > next to 4, 5, & 6 .
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Finally, MAKE A WISH
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ARE YOU READY?
> > HERE IS THE
> > KEY TO THE GAME
> >
> >
> >
> > THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is
> found in
> > S PACE 2
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THE PERSON IN SPACE
> > 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK
> is in
> > SPACE 7
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > YOU CARE MOST about t he PERSON you put in
> > SPACE 4
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO
> >
> > KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN
> 6 IS YOUR LUCKY STAR
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE
> >
> > PERSON IN NUMBER 3
> >
> > THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE
> >
> > PERSON IN 7
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THE 10 TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT
> >
> > YOUR MIND
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU
> >
> > FEEL ABOUT LIFE
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > NUMBER 1 IS YOUR
> >
> > LUCKY NUMBER
> > SEND THIS TO A MINIMUM OF 10 PEOPLE
> > WITHIN AN HOUR OF READING THIS.
> >
> >
> >
> > IF YOU DO, YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > IF YOU FAIL TO, IT WILL BECOME THE OPPOSITE
> >
> > IT IS STRANGE
> HOW IT SEEMS TO WORK.
>
>
>

[sloeddie]

that one is well worth remembering very good