BC

[Pokerkitty6]

I'm so pissed right now I can hardly see straight! My boobs hurt and I need to pop a pill. Since I talked about Marissa in my bc thread I'll keep it here. She brings home a discipline letter today saying she is one step away from a refferal and being sent to the dean's office. She is disrupting class and will not be quiet when the teacher is talking. She is in 5th grade and this is only the second week of class. I told her that the consequence in to write a letter of apology to the teacher explaining why she kept talking and how she can prevent her actions in the future. Simple punishment...not according to Marissa because the teacher also wrote that a "discussion" should be appropriate punishment. Well I thought I should follow thru with the "letter". Marissa exploded and felt she should only do what her teacher told her to do, instead of me. She continued ripping up good paper and I made her stop, she then threw on the floor. I made her clean it up. She wants her Dad to rot in prison and she wants to live with her mother. I told her the law says she can't live with her mother. I told her to start writing the letter, she told me no and started to walk downstairs. I followed her and told her to get back up here and start writing. She then ran from me right out the front door. I chased her until I realized I can't catch her and this is why my boobs hurt. I'm not supposed to be running. I freaked out got the car, even went out "bald". I went straigt to security where we live and then called 911. continued...

[Pokerkitty6]

We couldn't find her. In the mean time I had called my husband to come home from work to help. We also called her case worker. The case worker is the one who eventually found her about an hour latter. We all met back at home. I wanted the case worker to take her away and my husband talked me out of it. He told me to cool off for 24 hours. This girl is going to put my health in jepordy if I let her. The case worker said if she takes off again call 911, thats all we can do. After we make that 911 call we are held responsible for anything that happens to her. She has problems with exploding and I don't like it. I don't even want to talk to her right now and thats why I am here typing away. Now on top of the letter, I have added no tv or computer for a whole week because she took off on me. She didn't even stop to look for cars when she ran. I have some decisions to make...wish me luck, I'll all and any advice given. The more I stress and accelerate my heart the harder the chemo drugs work on me. I'm sure I'll feel something tonight. I cancelled my breast reconstruction appt. today because I wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to go from b cup to c cup today. Thank God that didn't happen today. I would have been in so much more pain from running. Thanks for listening, I'm starting to calm down....

[BnLM5]

Wow! Poker Kitty, you did the right thing. This arrangement with your niece living there for the time being is not going to change. So don't let it get you down. You are the boss and you are in control whether she wants to believe that or not. (It is understandable that your niece is acting out in class, but it is not okay) I know this being the fact that makes it so hard to deal with. I mean how do you punish a girl that is misbehaving or acting out when she is going through a very rough time. It is understandable that a young girl who is basically pre-puberty, without her mother, without her dad, living with her aunt that she loves and now her aunt has cancer. Marissa is either a spoiled rotten brat or a girl who is confused and scared. But either way she need to be shown love and taught some respect. First for herself and then for others. I don't really know how to exactly how I would deal with the problem. But I would hate for her to learn it the hard way. Does she realize what it is like to be a ward of the court? To be in foster care or worse yet with her attitude today she is likely headed for juvenile hall. I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this and deal with this too. But do you believe there is a reason for everything? I do, but I don't know why it takes so long for us to see the reasons. And sometimes the reasons are not for us to see. Which really sucks and makes it hard to put closure on things sometimes. The main part of this story is life, your life and the lives of the people that effect you in any way or that you effect somehow. Prioritize.... 1. Your health, if you are not healthy you can't help any one is that not a fact? For you to stay as healthy as possible it is necessary for you to.... A. Keep your stress level at a low..
B. Be positive
C. Etc....
The best way for you to be at ease with it is to communicate with Marissa. If you have good communication with the teacher, principal "school" and Marissa you can all work together and make it easier for everyone. Especially for you being sick. A simple phone call or letter to the school should work or a brief meeting. They need to understand the situation and put a little effort into helping you out right now. Marissa may not realize it but she is being very selfish. And not to make excuse but to bring to your attention did Marissa really disrupt the class that much that she is so near suspension. Some times people are not always on the up and up. I know I have and still run into situations where I see teachers (but not limited to teachers) for one not particularly care for someone and be tougher on them. Communicate is the best I think right now you need to be on the same page with her. And hopefully she will talk with you and trust in you that what you do is in her best interest. What she chooses to do is up to her. You can not make choices for her. I think that is one of the hardest things for me to get over as a mother. I wish I could have made choices for my girls as I had already lived the things they live and learn. But if we made their choices for them they would never appreciate a good one made or experience the feeling of accomplishment. I said a prayer for you personally and for your situation at hand with Marissa. It is all gonna be ok PK... hang in there and smile.
-Lori

[taylovesthebeatles]

Thanks, Lori, for putting into words what I was trying so hard to. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all these trials right now Renee, but know that they will subside eventually (at least they'd better or that means mine won't either!). God is in control here as always, and I know it's really frustrating to believe that there is a purpose and a plan for everything but at the same time still struggling with what it could possibly be when everything seems so negative. I admire you for blogging about everything that is going on and reaching out to someone for help. That takes a lot of strength and courage. Please try to hang in there and take care of yourself first and foremost, otherwise you're in no position to take care of Marissa or even Tony. Take it easy if you can. Be as good to yourself as possible. That's about all you can do somedays, but try to let that be enough. I love you, sis.

[Pokerkitty6]

Thnaks girls! My throat is sore today because I was screaming her name while looking for her in the rain. It took us an hour and her case worker was the one that found her. Then I have to explain to the case worker why we had the argument. Marissa seems to know she has the upper hand because there is only so much we can do with her, including the 2 foster families that couldn't handle her. The second family actually gave up their foster license and thats when we got her. She is a sweet child, but with this other side, I don't know what to think. She was really kissing up to the case worker and was more willing to listen to her than to me. The case worker liked the letter punishment, but told Marissa if she were her child she would take away tv and the computer for a whole week. After the case worker left, I decided since Marissa liked to kiss up to her and talk to her instead of me, I should follow up with what the case worker said. Now Marissa has to write the letter to her teacher, the case worker, and no tv or computer for a week. This is going to be a long week because she is going to drive me crazy. I would have sent her packing last night if my husband wasn't around to stop me. My responsibilty can only go so far especially with my health. Today she is being really nice and cleaning because she wants to. Really trying to kiss up now. I stay in touch with her teacher by email and have had 2 visits with her so far and we're only in week 2 of school. She has her hands full with this one! Before school started I met with her to make sure she knows I have cancer and to be very careful about the germs Marissa brings home everyday, so she makes sure her desk is sanitized everyday. She also explained to the other students why Marissa can't share her stuff. She is a great teacher and we seem to be on the same page. Again, thanks for listening. This is going to be a longggg weekend!

[Pokerkitty6]

Hi all! Just a little update, which is kinda scary for me. I finally got my BRACA 1 & 2 test results back. These are gene DNA tests to find out where my cancer will go next because I have the agressive cancer cells. My tests came back positive for gene mutation to my ovary. I say ovary because I only have one left due to a hystorectomy a couple of years ago. I have chemo tomorrow and on Thurday I have an ultrasound to see if there is cancer on my ovary, then back to the other doctor for my after chemo shot. Anyways it will take a few days to get my test results back. The good news is the only cancer I have the genes for is breast and ovarian, so half of it is taken care of if my chemo works. If there is no cancer showing on my ovary, the game plan is to finish chemo, finish breast reconstruction, and then go in and remove my ovary. If there is cancer then "I think" the chemo stops and I have surgery. We'll just have to wait and see the results again. Waiting is hard, but so is chemo. I hate it and cancer sucks.

[taylovesthebeatles]

Thanks for the update Renee, I've been wondering how you are doing! I'll definitely be praying for you about the ovarian cancer possibility, you've been through enough girl! How is Marissa doing? And Tony? It's sure good to hear an update from you, it sounds like you are still keeping your spirits up, even if you can't drink any! LOL. Anyway, my prayers are with you always sis, keep us updated please like you always do! Stay strong, I love you!