BC

[Pokerkitty6]

Hi all!!! A few nights ago I told a few of you that I had something to say and I would tell you when I am ready. Well tonight I feel ready to share. I have grade 3 invasive poorly diferentiated ductal type mammory carcenoma. In other words, I have breast cancer. It's freaking me out. Within the next two weeks I will be having a radical double masectomy. Some of my words may be spelled wrong, but you get the idea. It sucks because I have beautiful 36C tits. I mean they are f'in nice. I will undergo reconstruction at the same time and I think I am going to get me some bigger tits. What do ya'll think about 36D? My husband smiles everytime I say it!!!! When I am down and out, my hubby, Tony has been instructed by me to play some of my games. Feel free to ask is that you Tony or Renee? We will be honest with you. My doctors says I should be back to playing golf 6-12 months down the road. I'll just have to learn how to regrip with bigger tits. I probably have to grip the shaft and squeze my tits together. All humor aside, this is very serious for me. I thought I would just like to share my feelings with my NDN family. This site has and will continue to be a blessing for me, especially now, to keep my mind off of things and learn from others experience. I am still working in the golf shop and have my job secured when I have recovered enough to go back to work. Until then, I'll just keep happy thoughts in my head. Cheers and I'll c-ya at the tables!!!!

[Pokerkitty6]

We couldn't find her. In the mean time I had called my husband to come home from work to help. We also called her case worker. The case worker is the one who eventually found her about an hour latter. We all met back at home. I wanted the case worker to take her away and my husband talked me out of it. He told me to cool off for 24 hours. This girl is going to put my health in jepordy if I let her. The case worker said if she takes off again call 911, thats all we can do. After we make that 911 call we are held responsible for anything that happens to her. She has problems with exploding and I don't like it. I don't even want to talk to her right now and thats why I am here typing away. Now on top of the letter, I have added no tv or computer for a whole week because she took off on me. She didn't even stop to look for cars when she ran. I have some decisions to make...wish me luck, I'll all and any advice given. The more I stress and accelerate my heart the harder the chemo drugs work on me. I'm sure I'll feel something tonight. I cancelled my breast reconstruction appt. today because I wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to go from b cup to c cup today. Thank God that didn't happen today. I would have been in so much more pain from running. Thanks for listening, I'm starting to calm down....

[BnLM5]

Wow! Poker Kitty, you did the right thing. This arrangement with your niece living there for the time being is not going to change. So don't let it get you down. You are the boss and you are in control whether she wants to believe that or not. (It is understandable that your niece is acting out in class, but it is not okay) I know this being the fact that makes it so hard to deal with. I mean how do you punish a girl that is misbehaving or acting out when she is going through a very rough time. It is understandable that a young girl who is basically pre-puberty, without her mother, without her dad, living with her aunt that she loves and now her aunt has cancer. Marissa is either a spoiled rotten brat or a girl who is confused and scared. But either way she need to be shown love and taught some respect. First for herself and then for others. I don't really know how to exactly how I would deal with the problem. But I would hate for her to learn it the hard way. Does she realize what it is like to be a ward of the court? To be in foster care or worse yet with her attitude today she is likely headed for juvenile hall. I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this and deal with this too. But do you believe there is a reason for everything? I do, but I don't know why it takes so long for us to see the reasons. And sometimes the reasons are not for us to see. Which really sucks and makes it hard to put closure on things sometimes. The main part of this story is life, your life and the lives of the people that effect you in any way or that you effect somehow. Prioritize.... 1. Your health, if you are not healthy you can't help any one is that not a fact? For you to stay as healthy as possible it is necessary for you to.... A. Keep your stress level at a low..
B. Be positive
C. Etc....
The best way for you to be at ease with it is to communicate with Marissa. If you have good communication with the teacher, principal "school" and Marissa you can all work together and make it easier for everyone. Especially for you being sick. A simple phone call or letter to the school should work or a brief meeting. They need to understand the situation and put a little effort into helping you out right now. Marissa may not realize it but she is being very selfish. And not to make excuse but to bring to your attention did Marissa really disrupt the class that much that she is so near suspension. Some times people are not always on the up and up. I know I have and still run into situations where I see teachers (but not limited to teachers) for one not particularly care for someone and be tougher on them. Communicate is the best I think right now you need to be on the same page with her. And hopefully she will talk with you and trust in you that what you do is in her best interest. What she chooses to do is up to her. You can not make choices for her. I think that is one of the hardest things for me to get over as a mother. I wish I could have made choices for my girls as I had already lived the things they live and learn. But if we made their choices for them they would never appreciate a good one made or experience the feeling of accomplishment. I said a prayer for you personally and for your situation at hand with Marissa. It is all gonna be ok PK... hang in there and smile.
-Lori

[taylovesthebeatles]

Thanks, Lori, for putting into words what I was trying so hard to. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all these trials right now Renee, but know that they will subside eventually (at least they'd better or that means mine won't either!). God is in control here as always, and I know it's really frustrating to believe that there is a purpose and a plan for everything but at the same time still struggling with what it could possibly be when everything seems so negative. I admire you for blogging about everything that is going on and reaching out to someone for help. That takes a lot of strength and courage. Please try to hang in there and take care of yourself first and foremost, otherwise you're in no position to take care of Marissa or even Tony. Take it easy if you can. Be as good to yourself as possible. That's about all you can do somedays, but try to let that be enough. I love you, sis.

[Pokerkitty6]

Thnaks girls! My throat is sore today because I was screaming her name while looking for her in the rain. It took us an hour and her case worker was the one that found her. Then I have to explain to the case worker why we had the argument. Marissa seems to know she has the upper hand because there is only so much we can do with her, including the 2 foster families that couldn't handle her. The second family actually gave up their foster license and thats when we got her. She is a sweet child, but with this other side, I don't know what to think. She was really kissing up to the case worker and was more willing to listen to her than to me. The case worker liked the letter punishment, but told Marissa if she were her child she would take away tv and the computer for a whole week. After the case worker left, I decided since Marissa liked to kiss up to her and talk to her instead of me, I should follow up with what the case worker said. Now Marissa has to write the letter to her teacher, the case worker, and no tv or computer for a week. This is going to be a long week because she is going to drive me crazy. I would have sent her packing last night if my husband wasn't around to stop me. My responsibilty can only go so far especially with my health. Today she is being really nice and cleaning because she wants to. Really trying to kiss up now. I stay in touch with her teacher by email and have had 2 visits with her so far and we're only in week 2 of school. She has her hands full with this one! Before school started I met with her to make sure she knows I have cancer and to be very careful about the germs Marissa brings home everyday, so she makes sure her desk is sanitized everyday. She also explained to the other students why Marissa can't share her stuff. She is a great teacher and we seem to be on the same page. Again, thanks for listening. This is going to be a longggg weekend!

[Pokerkitty6]

Hi all! Just a little update, which is kinda scary for me. I finally got my BRACA 1 & 2 test results back. These are gene DNA tests to find out where my cancer will go next because I have the agressive cancer cells. My tests came back positive for gene mutation to my ovary. I say ovary because I only have one left due to a hystorectomy a couple of years ago. I have chemo tomorrow and on Thurday I have an ultrasound to see if there is cancer on my ovary, then back to the other doctor for my after chemo shot. Anyways it will take a few days to get my test results back. The good news is the only cancer I have the genes for is breast and ovarian, so half of it is taken care of if my chemo works. If there is no cancer showing on my ovary, the game plan is to finish chemo, finish breast reconstruction, and then go in and remove my ovary. If there is cancer then "I think" the chemo stops and I have surgery. We'll just have to wait and see the results again. Waiting is hard, but so is chemo. I hate it and cancer sucks.

[taylovesthebeatles]

Thanks for the update Renee, I've been wondering how you are doing! I'll definitely be praying for you about the ovarian cancer possibility, you've been through enough girl! How is Marissa doing? And Tony? It's sure good to hear an update from you, it sounds like you are still keeping your spirits up, even if you can't drink any! LOL. Anyway, my prayers are with you always sis, keep us updated please like you always do! Stay strong, I love you!

[GloBug]

wow well i hope it all works out for u. im at a loss for words.

[BnLM5]

PK, I know this is all pretty scary to say the least. But the ultra sound scheduled to check your ovary is a precautionary measure. As is the BRCA1 and BRCA2 test. At this point we unfortunately already know that you are at risk for breast and ovarian cancer. I am sure that they will not find cancer on your ovary. And when you are done with your chemo they will do surgery and remove your ovary and tubes. I am going to link you to a web site with a wealth of information on these test that might help to ease your mind and if you don't completely understand what and how they determine the results of these test you will understand after you read it. It is a credible site. Let me know what you think after reading it. I think that it is good that they found the mutation in this case because you already have or had breast cancer and now we know that it was in your genes. The good thing about that is they have it and they know why. And you won't have cancer popping up in other places. So keep your chin up and smile. Know that you have it whopped! Ok Two web sites.

http://www.mskcc.org/mskcc/html/8623.cfm#45826

Sloan-Kettering - Breast/Ovarian Cancer: BRCA1 & BRCA2

[Pokerkitty6]

Thanks for that valuable information. I had chemo today. 3 more to go. I hate them because they make me tired and sick. Oh well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. We had an episode with Marissa getting in trouble for not doing her home. She also said she doesn't care about school or her teacher. I made her sit on the couch and wait for her case worker to come over. I also took away the tv for a week. When the case worker came in she refused to talk to her. They went upstairs for some private time and when they came down Marissa yelled at her and told her she hates her. She has always liked her case worker, so this is new. Marissa signed the paperwork from the case worker and told her she will never sign anything again. After storming off and locking herself in her room, my husband and I talked about it, and we think she has 2 different personalities. When she calmed down, we told her to take a shower, do her homework, and write a letter of apology to her case worker. She came downstairs after her shower, homework done, and the letter written. We were like, who are you. It's crazy she was as sweet as ever. I talked to her Grandmother on the other side of the family and she told me bipolar, suicide, and skitzo's run on their side of the family. I shared this with the case worked and requested more intense counseling for her. This is nuts, I hope she gets the help she needs and doesn't drive me crazy along the way.

[targetguy1]

pitty keep up the strong fight and if the chemo is the trick to playing better poker i might have to look in to it. they way you and lilred played was awesome.

keep being strong girl as you know you have the ndn forum behind you with this battle.

[woohoosue]

ahh kitty ..im sure some of it could be worry about you too. but please take good care of yourself, i wish your family the best dealing with all of this. I hope they can find a way to give her some relief in dealing with whatever shes dealing with. Do not stress yourself. you cant help but be concerned for her but you are doing everything you can for her and that's all you can do. Be well.

[ffcowboy76]

Wow, Kitty. I missed this whole story, up until today. Sorry to hear about everything and I'm glad you are dealing with all of the problems life seems to be throwing at you right now. I wish you the best in the future with your health.

[BnLM5]

PK you know that BiPolar or Manic depression if necessary can be treated with meds. Obviously Marissa is having a difficult time and if it is a chemical imbalance she is unable to control that, but meds. can help. But if it is multiple personalities disorder than that is a different story. I am not sure how that is treated. Maybe she needs a Dr. too and not just counseling. Maybe Marissa should write 3 things a day that she likes about herself and or 3 things a day that she is good at and or 3 things a day that she is blessed with. It may help her to think positive more often. Which sounds like positive is what she needs.

Now how about you. Chemo today, sucked I am sure. Hope you are feeling well and not to sick. Did the web sites give you any help at all. I hope they did. If anything a good understanding of what is going on. I know how doctors can sometime not explain things too well. They dread me coming in for an appointment. Because I ask so many questions. I ask questions until I am satisfied. Here recently my daughter was going to the doctor because they were saying that she had kidney problems. I knew pretty much what the problem was but I did not say anything. So I did some extensive research on my own and wrote out a report about what I thought with the information and resources to back it up and took it with us the next visit to the Doc. And I showed the Dr. with great respect of their expertise and asked if they would take a look at it, by the time we left the Dr. office the Dr. was sure that I was correct and that it was not a kidney problem at all. The Dr. even asked me if they could have the copy of the report I made. I couldn't believe it. It made me feel good any way and my daughter got better. So that just goes to show you that you can never ask too many questions or do enough research. Especially when it is you they are dealing with. You have every right to know exactly what is going on. Hang in there. I prayed for you today! Lot's of love Pk from me to you and your family.

[Pokerkitty6]

Thanks B...yes your link did help me alot. You're right about Marissa, and we are going forward as much as the goverment will let us. She is still a "state child". Chemo is rough so they changed my nasuea medicine again. I wish I could just smoke pot, but i can't. Rocketman told me about a pill that has thc in it and I asked for it today. Unfortunately, the thc pill and medical marijuana is illegal in the state of Florida. Can't blame me for asking though. I'm half way done, only three more treatments, then I can have my ovary removed and breath a little easier. Love you all for helping me through this!

[Lilred36]

I wish I could fly,
I would be in Ocala
to get you high
everytime I think of you I sigh
I wish you the best
as you are
stonger than the rest

[BnLM5]

Thanks B...yes your link did help me alot. You're right about Marissa, and we are going forward as much as the goverment will let us. She is still a "state child". Chemo is rough so they changed my nasuea medicine again. I wish I could just smoke pot, but i can't. Rocketman told me about a pill that has thc in it and I asked for it today. Unfortunately, the thc pill and medical marijuana is illegal in the state of Florida. Can't blame me for asking though. I'm half way done, only three more treatments, then I can have my ovary removed and breath a little easier. Love you all for helping me through this!

PK, you had the ultra sound today, right? I realize that the complete tests results won't be back for a few days. Monday maybe? But did the radiologist/or technician that did the ultrasound say anything at all? Gosh I hate that! And the waiting game is not a game I am good at either. But one thing for sure is when the Dr. reads the ultra sound, if there is anything at all out of norm he will call you right away. So if you look at it, in this way, it will be much easier to deal with. It's kind of one of those things where "no news is good news".

I doubt you will have anything on your ovary though, as the ultra sound is what would be done in any single given situation of the Brca test results. Which those test results do not say that you have ovarian cancer. Just the genes, and in this case the mutations. Which is already evident as you are doing away with breast cancer as we speak. Every one of us have cells of cancer in our bodies and in in every body there is a constant process of DNA mutation. As DNA is mutated and damaged by a gross number of factors such as chemicals, UV Rays, smoking and on and on.... None the less free radicals. Sometimes the cells take off and sometimes they don't which also happens for various reasons. So I just think you have some pretty good doctors that are doing a fine job in making sure they are on the ball here! I think of you every single day and I pray for you. I also think about meeting you some time. So on that note I will say good night my friend and I will talk with you later. Give Marissa a smile and hug for me too. Tell her I said hello, if you like.

[Pokerkitty6]

You guys are awesome! lilred, I loved your poem. One day next year I hope we can all have an NDN party! Good times to be held by all. The lady doing my ultrasound said she didn't see any masses, so thats a good sign. Looking forward to a new year when this is all behind me! Oh yeah, got a call from Marissa's teacher today, she is refusing to talk or do her work, so off to the principals office she goes. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it!!!

[Pokerkitty6]

Went to the doctor today for a little more enhancement. Walked in with a b cup, walked out with a c cup. It still amazes me what a few minutes can do to your body. My chest feels very tight, I need them to relax a little, LOL. 3 chemos left, can't wait until they are done.

[Lilred36]

Well no masses is good right? Kids will be kids,as we all know,I am really glad you only have three chemos left,and hoping that you get thru this well,as far as the kid well....

[BnLM5]

Went to the doctor today for a little more enhancement. Walked in with a b cup, walked out with a c cup. It still amazes me what a few minutes can do to your body. My chest feels very tight, I need them to relax a little, LOL. 3 chemos left, can't wait until they are done.

And when they loosen up we wish they would tighten up. lol You will get used to them again! Wow! Just like that walked in a b and walked out a c? It is amazing that's for sure.

[Pokerkitty6]

My chest is really tight today, but I am enjoying my kid-free weekend very much. No school on Monday either, so I lucked out and got an extra night! Enjoy your weekend everybody! Go CANES!!!

[woohoosue]

woohoooo pokerkitty is a C cup ..... hope the tightness has subsided by now ....no kid weekends were a pleasure ....they are all no kid weekends now for me...but i remember when it wasnt so relaxed....I hope all your results come back looking good ......have a greart weekend!

[Pokerkitty6]

Hi all! Sorry, I haven't been around lately. This has been my worst week for sickness. Every stinkin day since chemo last Wed. Four times they changed my meds now and nothing seems to work for me. Rocketmann told me to ask for Marinol, the pill with thc. First they told me no, not in FL., then when nothing else worked they finally gave it to me. Well, guess what, it's not the same and I don't like them. They seem to knock me out, but I am still nauseous. Today I feel is going to be a good day! I have to go to court today for Marissa'a future. I am trying to get her placed with her Grandmother, but the system is fighting me once again. Ok, enough complaining for now. Thanks for listening..

[freeringo]

Hi all! Sorry, I haven't been around lately. This has been my worst week for sickness. Every stinkin day since chemo last Wed. Four times they changed my meds now and nothing seems to work for me. Rocketmann told me to ask for Marinol, the pill with thc. First they told me no, not in FL., then when nothing else worked they finally gave it to me. Well, guess what, it's not the same and I don't like them. They seem to knock me out, but I am still nauseous. Today I feel is going to be a good day! I have to go to court today for Marissa'a future. I am trying to get her placed with her Grandmother, but the system is fighting me once again. Ok, enough complaining for now. Thanks for listening..

Do you need me to send you some real medicine?
Christ sakes, Florida laws suck for sick people.
Hang in there girlfriend.

[Pokerkitty6]

Looks like I have Marissa until Jan 13th now. The system takes toooo long. She is a "state child" at this time, so I can't even get a babysitter unless they are approved by DCF with background checks. She can't stay with anybody who has a felony. That limits alot of people and the rest of them don't want to go thru the hassel of DCF's investigation. I love Marissa, but this whole thing is a pain in the a s s. I'm having a good day today and I hope you all do too.