freeringo ..as this story developed I too see that your letter is/was the best solution. Sometimes our best intentions just enable people to continue a bad situation. I was a caregiver for a family member with outside help. When her mental stabilty weakened it became a bad situation but we continued on until she kicked a nurse.

As a family member you feel a duty to honor them by keeping them home but it takes a tole on both the caregiver and the patient. Sad to say though that her visits may still be met with distain if she puts him in a facility... it will be up to Bob to make that happen.

It's out of your hands now....You sound like a very caring individual and I'm sure another client will come along and those talents will be put to better use....

Give your wife a hug from me....I know how ex's can be.