I need some advise

[freeringo]

I have been working with a stroke victim for 2 weeks now and I am making
great progress. He (Bob) is much calmer now than when I first met him and stronger. He mostly needs help getting to the bathroom and bed.
Problem is; his family, they are very negative people to start with and they
continue to toss around drama. I have spelled out the ground rules, that
Bobs daughter is the boss and all decisions are made by her not Bob.
He was calling me 10 times a day behind her back to get moral support.
That can't happen! Another problem is that Bobs daughter and husband
both have serious health problems that prevent them from moving or lifting him. That creates a problem on weekends because I have weekends off.
I come back on Monday and he is all shook up and the family is at wits end.
I have been handling it fine so far, but I know that soon my mouth is going to get me in trouble and I will say the wrong thing. Boy I just re-read this and my advise would be to me, just walk away. I can't! Healing one person is easy, healing an entire family is beyond my capacity or desire.
Life?

[eejit101]

Leave or get them live in help

[vickid]

i agree with eejit


or possibly get a counscler or some on to come in and try and work through there issues because as much as u love healing and helping people you dont deserve to be draged into there family issues as the will run you down and put a damper on your own life

i hope this help a little ringo

[Dallas12]

Leave or get them live in help

Thats what I would do

[GloBug]

i wouldnt listen to eejit. u get paid to help someone that is your job and from what u said u get satisfaction doing it. that guy needs your help because his family wont. leaving would make u a quitter and from what i know of u u are not a quitter. come on stick it out. the family is just being a family. im sorry but i wouldnt leave that person unless i was forced out by the family. i know your mouth might get u in trouble but if that is your last resort then let it get u in trouble. maybe thats what the family needs is a outside person to tell them something that they know but dont realize. im not sure if u work for a company or if u are self employed. either way it is a tough decision but ask yourself this if u leave will this person regress in health and if so then stick it out if not then find a replacement for u dont leave them hanging. i hope u make the right decision. i think u should stick it out and dont make it personal. it all business.

[BirdShow]

My advice would be don't forget to take care of #1. That's not being selfish. Selfish would be

to let this continue on when the stress obviously affects you in an unhealthy manner.

When that situation gets worse how do you think it will impact not just you but,

your family?

Doing the right thing isn't always easy.

[taylovesthebeatles]

i wouldnt listen to eejit. u get paid to help someone that is your job and from what u said u get satisfaction doing it. that guy needs your help because his family wont. leaving would make u a quitter and from what i know of u u are not a quitter. come on stick it out. the family is just being a family. im sorry but i wouldnt leave that person unless i was forced out by the family. i know your mouth might get u in trouble but if that is your last resort then let it get u in trouble. maybe thats what the family needs is a outside person to tell them something that they know but dont realize. im not sure if u work for a company or if u are self employed. either way it is a tough decision but ask yourself this if u leave will this person regress in health and if so then stick it out if not then find a replacement for u dont leave them hanging. i hope u make the right decision. i think u should stick it out and dont make it personal. it all business.

I completely agree with GloBug here. Are you self-employed or are you working as part of a larger company? If it's the latter I would see if there is a way you can get authority either from your company or through a lawyer or something similar (even if you're self employed you should look into this) about making sure the daughter has legal paperwork stating that she is the sole decider of care for your client. That way, yes the family will still be a family as Glo said, but you'll be able to more assert yourself under the law. As you said, you do enjoy this job, so I'd just stick it out and enjoy it. If you take these steps and they choose to get rid of you, as painful and hard as it might be, know that it's their loss and be secure in the knowledge that you did the right thing to give your client the best care possible. I know you believe that things happen for a reason, so if something happens that you don't plan on, just remember that. But hopefully those are some steps you can take to make the situation better.

Good luck, and as I said in an earlier post, I've had a lot of good and bad experience with caretakers, so if you have any other questions feel free to pm me or ask me about anything any time. Hang in there!

[GloBug]

just remember he needs your help more than he needs his families help. they cant help him with his daily needs. i hope u make the right decision.

[freeringo]

I am self employed and I know the family quite well.
I was prepared for all this, problem is the daughter is overwhelmed.
Now I have a cold, which is actually helping their family to rally around Bob.
And I have an excuse to do the bare minimum so they don't rely too heavily upon me. The daughter and I talk openly about this and I feel we are on the same page. She is just too emotional at times to talk to on a daily basis.
She is waiting to hear from some agency on how much Bob can get a month for in home support. That will dictate how many hours I can committ to him.
Right now he is paying me out of his pocket.

Thanks everyone for your advice.
I plan on sticking it out till I am no longer needed.

[GloBug]

I am self employed and I know the family quite well.
I was prepared for all this, problem is the daughter is overwhelmed.
Now I have a cold, which is actually helping their family to rally around Bob.
And I have an excuse to do the bare minimum so they don't rely too heavily upon me. The daughter and I talk openly about this and I feel we are on the same page. She is just too emotional at times to talk to on a daily basis.
She is waiting to hear from some agency on how much Bob can get a month for in home support. That will dictate how many hours I can committ to him.
Right now he is paying me out of his pocket.

Thanks everyone for your advice.
I plan on sticking it out till I am no longer needed.

well i am glad u are sticking around. i believe that u are doing a good thing. the family will go thru alot of pain and hardships with him being sick. its human nature. keep up the good work and good things will come to u in the future

[freeringo]

i agree with eejit


or possibly get a counscler or some on to come in and try and work through there issues because as much as u love healing and helping people you dont deserve to be draged into there family issues as the will run you down and put a damper on your own life

i hope this help a little ringo

Dear Bob and Carrie,

I deeply regret my decision to discontinue my service for you.
I feel that the positive energy that I gave was not doing enough
to counter the negativity within your household. In fact, the
negativity started to affect me and my family. I did not
consider the history my wife has had in the past with Bob.
I made a mistake and I hope you both understand that it is
nothing personal and that my pressence now would be
detremental to Bobs mental and emotional health.
However, it is my opinion that in Bob's best interest, he would
be better off in a hospital. Would it not be better to be
well cared for and excited about your visits from family.
The visits would be so positive and in the long run, Bob's
health would improve. In his current condition and surroundings,
Bobs health will decline. Please do what is best for Bob and give
your family a chance to heal so you can really enjoy each others
company.

[taylovesthebeatles]

Dear Bob and Carrie,

I deeply regret my decision to discontinue my service for you.
I feel that the positive energy that I gave was not doing enough
to counter the negativity within your household. In fact, the
negativity started to affect me and my family. I did not
consider the history my wife has had in the past with Bob.
I made a mistake and I hope you both understand that it is
nothing personal and that my pressence now would be
detremental to Bobs mental and emotional health.
However, it is my opinion that in Bob's best interest, he would
be better off in a hospital. Would it not be better to be
well cared for and excited about your visits from family.
The visits would be so positive and in the long run, Bob's
health would improve. In his current condition and surroundings,
Bobs health will decline. Please do what is best for Bob and give
your family a chance to heal so you can really enjoy each others
company.

I am sorry you are having to do this, freeringo, but I think you made the right decision. I hope they can see that you are not only looking out for yourself and your family, but you have their best interests at heart too.
You made your decision with the best intentions possible, so I hope you can find peace in that. Best of luck to you. We're here to support you!

[freeringo]

My advice would be don't forget to take care of #1. That's not being selfish. Selfish would be

to let this continue on when the stress obviously affects you in an unhealthy manner.

When that situation gets worse how do you think it will impact not just you but,

your family?

Doing the right thing isn't always easy.

My families health is 10 times more important.
It's not worth an extra $600 a month.
My wife is so relieved! The thing I forgot to mention is that
my wife was married to Bobs estranged son w/ 2 kids.
She hates Bob.
Enough said.
She still my best friend.

[taylovesthebeatles]

My families health is 10 times more important.
It's not worth an extra $600 a month.
My wife is so relieved! The thing I forgot to mention is that
my wife was married to Bobs estranged son w/ 2 kids.
She hates Bob.
Enough said.
She still my best friend.

Yeah you definitely needed to get out for your wife's sake too. Good job buddy. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing, as I said.

[woohoosue]

freeringo ..as this story developed I too see that your letter is/was the best solution. Sometimes our best intentions just enable people to continue a bad situation. I was a caregiver for a family member with outside help. When her mental stabilty weakened it became a bad situation but we continued on until she kicked a nurse.

As a family member you feel a duty to honor them by keeping them home but it takes a tole on both the caregiver and the patient. Sad to say though that her visits may still be met with distain if she puts him in a facility... it will be up to Bob to make that happen.

It's out of your hands now....You sound like a very caring individual and I'm sure another client will come along and those talents will be put to better use....

Give your wife a hug from me....I know how ex's can be.

[kingsnthahole]

listen, it's not your fault that they have health problems, so dont take it out on yourself if they wont do what is expected, DO NOT take it personally, work is business, and business should not be emotional