So I am feeling pretty good about going to court, feeling strong and SUPPORTED. Not sure what happens after jury selection Wednesday, but will let you know. I hope this goes fast, so I can be done with it, and put it behind me.

Honestly though, I feel really lonely. I mean even though I haven't been in love with this guys for a long time, I still always had a companion there with me you know. I'm not used to being alone in that way. Been with him since I was 14. Not saying I want him, just saying it is hard. Everything has just been flipped around so hard to get used to it all, but it is for the best I know. I really really really just want someone to hold me and tell me they are going to protect me. Anone from Cali? Gosh here I go, getting all emotional, sorry guys! Hope you get what I am saying and why I did that!

SO jury selection starts tomorrow, and not sure what happens next. I am pretty anxious, and ready to do this. I think once this is done, and I dont have to see or talk to him anymore, I can put it behind me, and work on the rest of the things that I am feeling and going through. Thanks for the support, as always.

Today is the 1st day since this all happened where I have not had a drink, or any pills to numb the pain, it is going better than I thought but still hard.

My bruises on the inside are far worse than the visible ones. I am really thinking I need to get someone to talk to. i just feel all those emotions just racing through me all day. It is hard to process anything. I think it would help to get some of this is, and begin to repair myself.

SO this is going to be a long, slow road, but with your help, and support it doesn't seem so long, thanks!