Couldnt resist.....


For work i travel a lot, so this was a very interesting read

Malaria


What it is: A disease

Where it’s found: 7505 Maple Tree Lane, Green Bay, Wisconsin

How to avoid it: Always check if your destination is Wisconsin. If it is, kill yourself before you arrive.



Giardiasis


What it is: A disease that will eat your eyeballs.

Where it’s found: Only on the moon Giardias, orbiting the planet - Eejyisgod.

How to avoid it: Dont sign up for space travel, or send eejit101 $5.



Hepatitis


What it is: Does anyone REALLY know???

Where it’s found: Hookers. My house. On the feet of baby turtles.

How to avoid it: Only sleep with US government certified hookers.Dont come to my house. Dont wisit www.myturtlesfootfetish.com



Montezuma’s Revenge


What it is: The wrath of Montezuma??

Where it’s found: Probably somewhere in the vicinity of Montezuma just fter pissing him off.

How to avoid it: Dont piss off Montezuma



Yellow Fever


What it is: A condition caused by sleeping in yellow bed sheets.

Where it’s found: Anywhere with yellow bed sheets, or just any bed that contains cowardice.

How to avoid it: Dont puchase anything yellow ever again. EVER. Ok? EVER EVER.

Note: Sunshine is yellow. Just stay in doors to be safe.



Dengue


What it is: Pingu's brother

Where it’s found: Antarctica

How to avoid it: Why would you want to avoid a penguin? Bastards. Happy feet ftw.



Typhoid


What it is: A big *** whirlwind

Where it’s found: Whereever the TV weather people tell me

How to avoid it: When the TV weather people say there is a storm coming in so many days..... your normally fine to go there. Just dont go anywhere where they say the storm is now.



Chikungunya


What it is: A breed of dog

Where it’s found: Kennels. In food in chinese restaurants. In the bellies of chinese people.

How to avoid it: Dont eat dogs you sick f***s.



Lyme Disease


What it is: A disease caused by drinking Corona.

Where it’s found: Livers of alcolholics.

How to avoid it: Change your beer, change your life.



Norovirus


What it is: A computer virus invented by a woman camed Nora.

Where it’s found: Computers..... duh

How to avoid it: Computers are fun.... for everyone... except my opponents... they shuda practiced avoidance!!!