A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his d_ick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his d_ck without a single scratch.
The man looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old barmaid raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
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So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."
He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."
The wife grabs the farmer's di_ck and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."