Ask Eejit!

[eejit101]

After discussion (I use that term loosely) with NDN, this is to be the official (maybe) NoDepositNeeded thread to discuss.... anything.

You can ask anything you want! About your life, my life, "agony aunt" questions, social situations, sex, drugs (though i don't know much about that), Rock'N'Roll, cooking, sport, movies, music, anything.

So, want some blunt advice as to why the girl you love wont text you back? How to make a killer Spaghetti Bolognase? Or who is the highest paid actor in history?


Go nuts.

[tjntaco]

You have to give him something he can't Google!

He can't Google this one AND HE DIDN"T ANSWER IT. Although he may claim he did. Actually it's a mathematic anomoly and there is no answer. It just is what it is. Nobody knows why. lol

[ScareCrowAKA]

the money starts from a source of 3 equally, u then split it into 2 totals not divisable by 3 ... which couldnt have happened originally without the ladies breaking a dollar into change... so it cant be done at the end either ???

[eejit101]

Its weird. The answer is there is no dollar. But the reasons are the answer. Its to do with splits and the way things are written. And im sure i wrote anomaly.

Never mind.

[Ringo]

You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts of difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.


How do you spend the next fourteen days?

[Ringo]

Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except for you, the collection of former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.



What do you talk about?

[eejit101]

You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts of difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.


How do you spend the next fourteen days?

Spending every penny i have on gambling, beer, fun, theme parks, the kill myself.

Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except for you, the collection of former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.



What do you talk about?

Hmm. Thats 20 people. Id talk about each person and what they meant to be, 45 seconds each. Id also ask one of them WTF they were doing, the sl.ut.

Then id offer a huge orgy.

[Ringo]

Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, and an IQ of almost 85, and – most notably – a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made is clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

[woohoosue]

Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except for you, the collection of former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.


What do you talk about?

if this "?" was for me i would have to ask....Who's paying for this shindig? It would mimic the million man march....as far as my speech goes .....it would be more on why they need to stop looking for a woman to compare to me and for them to just go ahead and settle for second best because without me in the mix "second is the best you can do".

[woohoosue]

Ringo asked eejit: Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except for you, the collection of former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.



What do you talk about?

Hmm. Thats 20 people. Id talk about each person and what they meant to be, 45 seconds each. Id also ask one of them WTF they were doing,e sl.ut.

Then id offer a huge orgy.

that's twenty people? ok how many of that 20 are the caterers?

[eejit101]

Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, and an IQ of almost 85, and – most notably – a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made is clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

No. As as far as I know animals cant play the NFL. Plus, how would that fit in with the salary cap? $250mil + some peanuts?

[eejit101]

And as for sue - LOL!

One of them is a caterer. So still 20 people, including her. And we get on fine, so she would make some food.

[woohoosue]

Ringo asks.....You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

No. As as far as I know animals cant play the NFL. Plus, how would that fit in with the salary cap? $250mil + some peanuts?

she says........why not! they let refrigerators in ...didn't they! go fridge go fridge!

[Ringo]

If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

[Ringo]

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

[Ringo]

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

[eejit101]

If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?

Yes. As the air they displace pushes down upon the place to force an equilibrium of weight. I also think mythbusters broke this myth in a show too. So yes, the plane is heavier with birds on it, flying or not.

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

They do. If i sing i normally mimic voices, so i sing in the accent of whoever is singing. But take... The Beatles. They sound english.

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

No, it comes out of about 15 anyway. The nipple has 15-20 small "holes" for milking. The extra ones just make them a bit bigger.

[Ringo]

How does a blind person know when to stop wiping after a bowel movemnet?

[woohoosue]

How does a blind person know when to stop wiping after a bowel movemnet?

It all braille baby!

[woohoosue]

How do men show love?

[eejit101]

How does a blind person know when to stop wiping after a bowel movemnet?

Smell? Distinction? A Bday (whatever it is)? A shower? No idea.

It all braille baby!

LOL

How do men show love?

By putting on weight on not caring about how other women see them.

[Ringo]

Parks Canada in Saskatchewan on the border of Montana. Just announced they will be releasing thousands of ferrets into the Prairie Dog Capital of Canada Grasslands park near Val Marie Sask. It is of particular note that Ferrets are not an indigenous species in the area.

Why do you think they are doing this?

[Ringo]

The BBC have started filming interviews for Tony Blair’s obituary.

Do you think the Royals have a hit out on him?

[eejit101]

Parks Canada in Saskatchewan on the border of Montana. Just announced they will be releasing thousands of ferrets into the Prairie Dog Capital of Canada Grasslands park near Val Marie Sask. It is of particular note that Ferrets are not an indigenous species in the area.

Why do you think they are doing this?

hmm. Maybe the provide some kind of food chain gap. Maybe they will help the grass grow. Maybe its maybelline?

The BBC have started filming interviews for Tony Blair’s obituary.

Do you think the Royals have a hit out on him?

No. But other people do

[Ringo]

people are very concerned about the ferrets because it has just been discovered that ferrets can transfer the N5H1 virus to other animals.

[NDN]

I'm loving that this thread finally gives Ringo a proper place to share all of his craziness!