Deadly Jokes!

[DeadlyV18]

Just a weeeeee bit

'An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.


So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married,so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

'Well,' said the man, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

'Well,'the man replied, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,'She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry'

So they were wed right away.Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

'Well,' explained the farmer, 'She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
Pregnant when you met her.'

[DeadlyV18]

Here's another one I read at another forum!

WSOP win

A man enters his house excitedly after winning one of the WSOP events and says to his wife "Start packing I won" To which the wife replies "Should I pack clothes for a sunny climate or a cold one? the man replies "I dont care once your out of my house by 12 o clock."

[DeadlyV18]

The Accident.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of
them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,"So you're a
man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be
a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live
together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't
break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it
back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and
hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[DeadlyV18]

I'm sure ya'll must've heard this one!

Lawyers Playing Poker

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson,
at which point Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is
cheating!”
“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.

“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”

[DeadlyV18]

Prescription


A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,and said, 'I would like to buy some
cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give
you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed
with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different.
You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'