Inside the brain of a donk

How does one read a donkey? How do you play against a donkey? How do deal with losing to a donkey? These are 3 of the many questions i have been asking myself for the past 5 months. I have watched my acct go from well over 50(all free money i earned on this site) all the way down to nothing. With the schedule i work, MTT mostly dont work out for me unless it's the weekend, so i play cash tables. It feels like there has been an influx of "Fretards"(f'n retards) from the god awful site Full Tilt, to the becoming god awful carbon poker. I have people calling me down with bottom pair, ON THE REGULAR, and hitting their 2 outer or their two pair on the river. I have people calling pot sized bets with 2 unders and a gutshot straight draw and HITTING. People calling down with Ace hi and 3 to a flush and runner runnering a flush on me. The thing that really bothers me is that we are all solid poker players here at this site. Why can't we play like a donkey and hit EVERY FN TIME? Is it just online poker? Is it my percentages evening out?(I highly doubt that because my biggest run was this summer for 2 months and only $500) I'm starting to feel like i might as well just start playing long ball, doyle brunson style and getting my money in preflop on a gamble. Some people think that what chris moneymaker has done to this game is the greatest thing in poker, but i think it is the worst. People that have NO BUSINESS playing poker, want to be a fn champion. How do you play against these people? Maybe i need to give online poker a rest and just play live. I dunno, but i'm starting to sit here and think to myself alot fo times, "why do i waste my time playing these fat retards in a game that can't be won, but only played." I'd have alot more fun slappin the skin flute. I can't deal with the pointlessness of playin the lower limits anymore, so, my only game that i play anymore will be the bap. Period. No more freerolls(unless ofcourse they are NDN sponsored) No more 2-5$ MTT's, no more wasting my important time for this stupid-@$$ online poker.

PS the thing that sparked this was me potting my AK preflop and a snap call from a retard with chips, flop A 8 T. I bet 3/4 pot, snap call. turn 3 putting a flush draw on board. I bet pot(top pair and a flush draw). River 8. i check, thinking i'm good and ready to call his bet. He shoves and i call, and he called all the way with Q 8 offsuit. BOTTOM PAIR on the flop, bottom pair on the turn, and whammy, two outer. I dont get it?

The above hand was a 5 outer, but close, and he didnt have bottom pair on the turn.

Also - your point about everyone being "solid" isnt true either.

However, you should move to pokerstars or cake for cash games, and you should definatly take 2 weeks away from poker.

This is why I VERY rarely deposit online... I've been playing, up until I lost it all last night, on a $15 deposit and NDNPT winnings for over a month for hours a day. I generally try to stick to real games when my actual money is in use. Unfortunately there are donks in live games too.

Part of your problem is the percentages evening out and part could be from your table image. I've never played a hand with you, that I know of, but something to consider is what your image is. How many hands do you play a round? How often do you raise preflop? What hands do you raise with and showdown with?

If I know you are on a big hand and I have a weaker one, I might call to the river looking for the long shot draw because I know I will take everything in your stack. This play has to cost little vs the size of your stack to make it profitable, but I've watched many people do it.

Playing too few hands is almost as bad as playing too many hands in a poker world ruled by trackers and other information systems. This will narrow the range of hands you could have more and more. Personally speaking I would rather play against the tightest players around because they are easy to put on a hand. The loose ones are harder to put on a hand because of the expanded range they could be playing.

Just something to consider when playing cash game.

I have yet to disagree with anything cowboy has written.

ok you need a break from online poker. We have all been in a situation like this. I agree with cowboy also.

Since you are running bad try to only play pocket pairs.... I know this will seem very tight but you will get respected when all you do is flip over sets. Then you can open your game and putting a bluff into the mix.

I completely disagree with thenutzaa1 solution. First off it limits your range to something that any respectable player will put you either on a monster or a miss. If you only play one type of hand, I can beat you up and down the table and you will continue to lose money. The second problem is that if you are playing cash game the players rotate in and out so your past history isn't always seen.

There are a few things to do to solve your problem, if you want the help. First and foremost, download some sort of tracker. I am willing to bet you don't have one or if you do, you don't know how to use it. I would personally recommend Poker Tracker 3 (PM for a link) because it is what I use and like.

After you get a tracker, make sure you use it every time you play. It doesn't help you if you only import your winning sessions and "forget" to import your losing ones. I am willing to bet that just getting a tracker and learning how to use the information will improve your game a ton.

The next thing to help improve your game is to work on your observation skills. This applies to both how you play a hand and how your opponents play hands. If you run across an action that doesn't make sense, take a note about it. Remember what he did when and use that to make better decisions in the future. You will start to notice patterns in peoples betting and be able to use that information to know when to make a "bluff" and pick up a pot with less than the best hands.

Those are a few things that will help.