Moral Question (regarding women)

I wont often ask something this.... personal, but i figured id get some perspective from a bunch of weirdos (you guys)

Background - I have a "girlfriend", kinda, she is 21, lives with parents, doesnt drive, is fun, blah blah blah

Issue - She has a 3 year old daughter. Im probably being a c***,
but this worries me. I dont like kids much, unless im related to them. Having a kid means attention, so going out with someone who has one means you cant really be "alone with them" or whatever you wanna call it, untill after the kid goes to bed. Plus its alot more work int he daytime or whatever, and my head hurts from random crying fits.

Is it shallow if this bothers me?

Thoughts?

Run for the hills

I can certainly understand your situation. there is alot of times when I would be just about to do something and then....... waaaaaa!

It sucks, but after a while you get use to it and kids can be fun, you just gotta be a kid again yourself in a sense. Once that happens then it will be a breeze, and the kiddo wont bother you no more.

Meh, i dunno any more.

It's easy to love a woman and help raise her kid.
It's hard to truly love the child.
If you have one of your own, it will even be tougher.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eejit101

I wont often ask something this.... personal, but i figured id get some perspective from a bunch of weirdos (you guys)

Background - I have a "girlfriend", kinda, she is 21, lives with parents, doesnt drive, is fun, blah blah blah

Issue - She has a 3 year old daughter. Im probably being a c***,
but this worries me. I dont like kids much, unless im related to them. Having a kid means attention, so going out with someone who has one means you cant really be "alone with them" or whatever you wanna call it, untill after the kid goes to bed. Plus its alot more work int he daytime or whatever, and my head hurts from random crying fits.

Is it shallow if this bothers me?

Thoughts?

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Okay well I feel like this will be an omen for me, or something

of the sorts because, whether I like it or not, or whether I am

okay with it or not, I am going to be in the situation probably.

So I'm looking at if from that point of view. But the questions you

are asking depends on you as an individual and that's all it should

be based on.


It depends on you honestly, and what you want in your life. Is she

of the same religious faith? Is she nice? You said she's fun, but is

she just fun because she is new or what? I don't think it's shallow

based on the fact that she has a kid, but it would become shallow

if you were making decision based on how she looks, how attractive

she is, etc.


It's just what you want in your life, and if you feel this situation isn't

going to work out than you can just get out. And that's not mean or

spiteful, that's just a part of what dating is.


And if it's not this one you settle down with, than think her for the time,

and you can just assume you are one closer to who you want to spend

your time and life with.


I hope I helped somewhat, eejit!

I want nothing but good things to you.

No, it's not shallow that it bothers you. You're being honest with yourself and you should. She is a package deal and there is no other way around it. I have used a phrase in my life which has worked for me every time, "when in doubt don't". Not all people have a desire to be parents. My husband and I tried to have children for years and I never got pregnant- took all the test and everything, so now when I need a kid-fix I get one or more of my neices and nephews. We're up to approx. 32 neices and nephews, ages range from newborn to 20. I tell ya ej...I'm glad I don't have any kids. I hear all my brothers and sisters and I say sucks to be you (in a joking way). Tony and I have the freedom to do whatever we want and its a beatiful thing. Like I say not everyone needs to breed. I love kids, trust me, I luv them. I'm around them ALOT, but at the same time, I'm glad I don't have any.

Kaci - Why the double spaces? Reading that sucks.

Ive known this gir for a bit, but not long enough to plan anything. taking it as it comes.

And how can basing something on looks be shallow? Thats the first thing you see. You can honestly say youd go out with someone hideous if they had a personality of gold? I couldnt. Attractiveness is important. Youve got to look at them and feel lucky. Or at least a bit lucky:)

Kitty - Thanks.

Im full of doubt. But i always am. Its 50/50.

When in doubt....don't

Yeah, but if you lived like that youd never have any fun.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eejit101

I wont often ask something this.... personal, but i figured id get some perspective from a bunch of weirdos (you guys)

Background - I have a "girlfriend", kinda, she is 21, lives with parents, doesnt drive, is fun, blah blah blah

Issue - She has a 3 year old daughter. Im probably being a c***,
but this worries me. I dont like kids much, unless im related to them. Having a kid means attention, so going out with someone who has one means you cant really be "alone with them" or whatever you wanna call it, untill after the kid goes to bed. Plus its alot more work int he daytime or whatever, and my head hurts from random crying fits.

Is it shallow if this bothers me?

Thoughts?

---

well eejit from me to you it is a normal feeling to have when u react the way you do. its not shallow its u being out of your comfort zone. u know sometimes u got to get outside the box to experience new things. this could be a good thing. the way i look at it is how u feel for the girl not the kid. if the kid is really gonna put a damper on the relationship then u should break it off b4 it gets serious. dont drag her along for nothing. kids are great though. crying fits are the part of the game. all parents have to deal with it. lol i am dealing with it right now as i type. but it doesnt bother me anymore i know shes fed and shes clean. u know women like are always gonna have this problem with her being a single mom with a young child and meeting men is always tough. i say if u really like her then try it out the crying fits will go away all will be great. take your time and think about what u are gonna do b4 u react. u gotta think she has heard this b4. well keep us updated on how it goes. :sifone:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eejit101

Kaci - Why the double spaces? Reading that sucks.

Ive known this gir for a bit, but not long enough to plan anything. taking it as it comes.

And how can basing something on looks be shallow? Thats the first thing you see. You can honestly say youd go out with someone hideous if they had a personality of gold? I couldnt. Attractiveness is important. Youve got to look at them and feel lucky. Or at least a bit lucky:)

Kitty - Thanks.

Im full of doubt. But i always am. Its 50/50.

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very true, I dont think that beauty is all there is to it, but it is an important factor.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eejit101

Kaci - Why the double spaces? Reading that sucks.

Ive known this gir for a bit, but not long enough to plan anything. taking it as it comes.

And how can basing something on looks be shallow? Thats the first thing you see. You can honestly say youd go out with someone hideous if they had a personality of gold? I couldnt. Attractiveness is important. Youve got to look at them and feel lucky. Or at least a bit lucky:)

Kitty - Thanks.

Im full of doubt. But i always am. Its 50/50.

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Was watching a movie on one side of the screen and doing ndn stuff on the other side.

Sorry about that, I've noticed on some other people's post and haven't had an issue so I assume that they were doing the same as my computer automatically went to that setting when I minimized it, in minimized everything else too.

You just focused on that bit too, I said a lot more things that just that.

Hmmm.

Okay well I'm going back to finish my movie.

Enjoy the rest of your evenings.

Well, if shes 21 got a kid and lives with her parents, and youre debating it... she must be a smoke show... so kudos EEj. Most guys, (and we're talking american gusy here) would not care about the kid, and brag to their friend about nailing a single mother. However that sounds, 23 yr old males across the pond... thats how it goes... sadly.

Damn right ur getting a headache from this stuff though.... youre seeing a girl with a KID. Kids are annoying, regardless of how much u may love em or whatever, i certainly wouldnt get down on yourself for being annoyed at a kids crying fit.
Honestly though, if you have any withstanding remissions about it, then it prolly aint right. Sometime u just know you should fold a hand, all signs point to it, and whatever temptation or want you have to call, you know its just better to muck the hand, before u get in too deep.... mmmmm... u getting what im saying :-p Its an analogy. LOL.

Love a pic though, cause as i said, with all that extra stuff, she must really be something for you not to bail immediately. But i think ringos advice is the best out there :-p

Were goin out saturday, and just for you, as she looks hot as hell when its saturday night, ill get you a pic. Ill be in it tho:( lol

And im not stupid enough to get attached yet. Dont that before, not good!

if you truly fall for this girl then the kid wont be a problem. yes it might suck

for you but that is just one of things that comes with this girl. if its meant

to be then it will all work out for you. please we want pics.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't touch a girl with a kid with a 10 foot pole. Let alone with MY ten foot pole!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by klinkman

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't touch a girl with a kid with a 10 foot pole. Let alone with MY ten foot pole!

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wow u got a 10 foot pole. how does tay feel about that. :conehead:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by klinkman

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't touch a girl with a kid with a 10 foot pole. Let alone with MY ten foot pole!

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Someone is exaggerating a bit!

If it was ten feet.

It would sure hurt.

YOU'D be hung longer than a horse.

And I've seen a dude get f*cked by a horse on a youtube video, and he died.

I don't think that'd be a pretty picture, so let's not exaggerate, eh?

lmfao.

eejit, theres prob 5 or 6 girls at the bar that look exactly like she does and DONT have kids...having a kid on the side means you have less time to be a immature 20-something and do what you want when you want, because the kid always comes first.

Perfect timing you coming to America in Sept.
Lots of things can happen.
Please don't get her pegnant.
If you do, marry her.:smash:

lol, sound advice.

And i wont get her pregnant.

I took an abstinence pledge

Don't untie the knot what ever you do:sifone:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by eejit101

I wont often ask something this.... personal, but i figured id get some perspective from a bunch of weirdos (you guys)

Background - I have a "girlfriend", kinda, she is 21, lives with parents, doesnt drive, is fun, blah blah blah

Issue - She has a 3 year old daughter. Im probably being a c***,
but this worries me. I dont like kids much, unless im related to them. Having a kid means attention, so going out with someone who has one means you cant really be "alone with them" or whatever you wanna call it, untill after the kid goes to bed. Plus its alot more work int he daytime or whatever, and my head hurts from random crying fits.

Is it shallow if this bothers me?

Thoughts?

---

I dont think thats a big problem or issue... The biggest problem here is if u start loving this kid, than u will be mad when u both break up... I like kids and once I was living with a girls who had 40 years old (can u belive) and she had 4 four... thats right 4 kids... 3 lived with us.. was a little wird.. like being a father of 3 kids thats wasent mine...
After wile I got used to it and it was iven fun to have people around.. but i like kids...lol... iven if they had 15 13 and 5 respetivly... so.. I think u can enjoy your self with this kid... I hope u can...
Teach her how to play poker.. when she makes 5 yers and she can be a pro when reachs her teens...

I THINK U CAN REALLY ENJOY HER PRESENCE>>>> JUST RELAX AND ENJOY THE SHOW!!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by navuta

I dont think thats a big problem or issue... The biggest problem here is if u start loving this kid, than u will be mad when u both break up... I like kids and once I was living with a girls who had 40 years old (can u belive) and she had 4 four... thats right 4 kids... 3 lived with us.. was a little wird.. like being a father of 3 kids thats wasent mine...
After wile I got used to it and it was iven fun to have people around.. but i like kids...lol... iven if they had 15 13 and 5 respetivly... so.. I think u can enjoy your self with this kid... I hope u can...
Teach her how to play poker.. when she makes 5 yers and she can be a pro when reachs her teens...

I THINK U CAN REALLY ENJOY HER PRESENCE>>>> JUST RELAX AND ENJOY THE SHOW!!!!

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I kind of agree with navuta here, if it works out you should teach the kid to play poker! lol but if you're not really a kid person then I think it's ok to rethink this. As a woman I won't think you're a dick for doing so if you decide to leave cause of the kid. Neither of you should be made to feel like a third wheel.