Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A. "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A. A wine cellar.
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on her.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for french fries.
Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1. 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2. Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3. Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q. Why don't blondes breast feed?
A. Because they always burn their nipples.
Q. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A. Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q. Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A. They're too hard to peel.
Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q. How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A. You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A. From eating with forks.
Q. What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A. Reservations.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A. She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q. What is the difference between blondes and peanut butter?
A. Peanut butter is a pleasure to spread on bread and a blonde spreads for pleasure on a bed.
Q. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A. All you can eat under a buck.
Q. What do blondes and turtles have in common?
A. When they are on their backs they are screwed.
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
Q. A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A. The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q. How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A. She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note. for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).
Q. Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1. She'd just dyed her hair.
A2. She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree.
Q. What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A. "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q. How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A. She threw it off a cliff.
Q. How does a blonde kill a fish?
A. She drowns it.
Q. How does a blonde kill a worm?
A. She buries it.
Q. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A. Bigfoot has been sighted.
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q. Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A. She got cold and turned off the fan.
Q. Why did the blonde have square tits?
A. Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Q. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A. Gifted!
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.
Q. What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A. An IN-body experience!
Q. What does a blonde and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A. The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q. Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A. To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A. Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q. How do you get a blonde’s eyes to twinkle?
A. Shine a torch in her ears.
Q. What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A. Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q. How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A. Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q. Why do blondes take the pill?
A. So they know what day of the week it is.
Q. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A. Because it kept falling out.
Q. Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A. They are both 10¢ a screw!
Q. What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing. They've never met.
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. What's the mating call of the blonde?
A. "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
