a few funny quickies

Quickie #1

One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

Quickie #2

A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran
into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his
lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get the hell out."

Quickie #3

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the other is a husband.

Quickie #4

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license. First,of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
optician showed him a card with theletters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Quickie #5

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired
of chardonnay."