A Thought On Safety

Ok, so you're walking to your car at night, and it's probably parked in some obscure place because as always - you were running late this evening and that's the last parking spot to be had.

"People" often say that if you're going to your car alone, don't talk on your cell phone while you're walking to it or getting in. This is a sign of weakness to a predator, and tells him that you are too preoccupied in your ****-talk about the blonde girl with the giant, obviously fake boobs, to notice he is there and watching you. Little jerk, right?

Ok, so for your own safety, save the gab-fest for the drive home. Unless you're in California and you fear getting pulled over for talking on it, especially after those 4 martinis. If so, you can just wait til you get home.

NOW! What about smoking a cigarette while you're walking to your car in that same dark place? I've never heard anyone address this issue. So many people walk out of their establishment of choice and light up! The little feins, we can't wait until we get outside to the fresh air just to blow smoke in it's face.

So do you walk and smoke, or don't you?

Here's my suggestion:

Don't smoke at all, ever!

Alternative suggestion:

You might want to keep both hands free incase the predator comes at you. You don't want to be left short-handed because you're fumbling with a fag.
However, if you believe you can think and act quick enough, smoke on! But when the nutsack comes at you - burn the little bugger! Then get all ninja on him or jump in your car and run him over. This would now be a GREAT time to pull out your phone and use it for good!

Really, folks, be aware of your surroundings. I have a habit of taking mental notes of the people who are around and what they are wearing. Or funky cars that make me go "huhhh", their license plates are engraved in my brain. You don't have to be all extreme and paranoid about it but at the minimum be aware. Beware. Be aware. ? Weird.

I obv have too much free time!