Suppose It's My Turn

[NeverWinHere]

Ok, been putting this off, but I feel like I should just do this!

Hi, I am Jennifer, I just turned 25. I am a mother of one, she is turning 7 this Wednesday, her name is Alissa and she is my reason for being.

I live in Northern California, way up north, surrounded by all the lovely Redwoods. I hate it here most the time, it is very quiet, too quiet. They filmed a few movies here, Outbreak, Jurassic Park, and The Majestic.

I have too much free time, now that my daughter is going to school full time. I recently started volunteering at a thrift store 4 days a week. I think I have OCD. I can't walk past a dirty dish, smudge on the wall, or lint on the carpet without having to clean it up right that second. Sometimes it takes me 2 hrs to get my butt to the back door to smoke a cigarette, as I find more crap to clean along the way. It is frustrating, and challenging, but in the end I feel like it could be worse, I hope.

I moved out on my own when I was 12, my mother and I just never got along. My parents were highschool sweethearts, and they had 8 of us kids. We all play poker. We can't have a family gathering without having lots and lots of wine, (we're portuguese) or some form of gambling, that's right, whatever board/card game we play, there are wagers involved.

I stand up for what I believe in, I say what I mean and mean what I say, and I can't stand BS.

I have been hurt by men, and am unsure if Mr.Right actually exists. My daughter is my life right now, and when there is time, I will find out who I am, and what I want to do with my life.

I love wine!

Cheers
Jenny

[timberdogs]

so glad to have you with us,Calculated..oops i mean Neverwinhere...hope we get to play HU sometime...i need some lessons.

[twenty47]

nice post, oh and don't worry about the Mr. Right thing, he doesn't exist..... lol, just kidding, don't be in a hurry to look for him, mine just came by at the moment of my life when I least expected it and at a place where you'd never consider running in to that special someone.... now years later we're still together..... lots of hard times but the good totally outweigh everything and we got an 8 year old that keeps us in line.

PS/ hope when you have family gatherings, your the one doing all the winning

[USCTrojans]

Amazing post Jenn ;)

[Dallas12]

Very good post their Jenn.

[woohoosue]

ok wine is a good place to start ...i mean in your search for love .... i have a love for the stuff myself ..you have to try a few to get a goood one (you'll find that with men too).... the love of your child is the best ...hey i was a single mom for 4 years ... i found my taste in men led me to heart ache ..my daughter was the one that had a more keen insight ....trust your daughter's intuition ..... I lived with myhusband for a whole year before I was ready to say yes to marriage again ...he was my daughter's choice and after 26 years and 2 boys later ..I can say she did alright. She loved him so much and her father never could settle with her so when her wedding came along ....He was the one asked to walk her down the aisle.
Love will come again ... Be careful not to push it away to fast. real love grows over time ... that love at first sight crap is "I want sex".... and that aint bad either ...have lots of that as long as you treat it as it is and not confuse it with love. ok don't know if any of this is helpful but it comes from one who lived through it.

good luck in all things...I know single motherhood is tuff ... Take time for yourself too while you smother your daughter with love ... Mr Right will find you.

all i can say now is ....stop smoking .... the benefit to your body alone makes it worthwhile ...

The Cleaning thing..... i used to be that way ..one day it will just come to you that your happiness should be your main concern ... your cleaning all the time is your way of punishing yourself .... when u are happy with yourself all those around you that love you will be taken care of ... for that is their only wish just as yours is for them to be. A clean house is not a bad thing tho..

Sounds to me like you are doing just fine for a girl that had to grow up way to fast ... Can't imagine what that was like for u... I'm sorry you had to carry such a load at such a young age .... ok that was the mother in me.

hugs and kisses to you and your daughter.

[NeverWinHere]

Sue you are going to make me laugh or cry, stop it!:)

Yeah I grew up so fast, and I feel like I missed some important years being well, a kid. I feel hopeless a lot though, I know being a mom is important, but I feel like, what the hell do I want to do with my life. I want to make something of myself, do I need to? Should I just be an awesome mom, everything mine wasn't, should that be enough? Now I feel like I am bad mouthing my own mother who I love so much, more than she could know. Her and my father always provided us with the best clothes, nice house, vacations etc, but I wanted more than that, I would trade it all, just to be close with her. Ok well this post has totally changed from what I was trying to write, but my fingers can't keep up with my thoughts, and feelings, and dammit it feels hella good to talk about it, whoooo!

[woohoosue]

girl ...you rock! I only wanted you to know that your choices are always the right choice. This world has a way of making single mothers feel wrong and inadequate. There is nothing you can not do! It sounds like you have ahandle on this. I hope you didnt think i was judging your family. I wasnt. I was just thinking about 12 years old and on your own,just wanted you to know as a mother I wanted to give you a hug for that.

I too felt the same way with my post ..as I typed to reply my fingers just went to town and found myself not finding an end to it. Your post brought out more similarities than diferences that we share even though we are a generation apart.

You go Girl!

[NeverWinHere]

girl ...you rock! I only wanted you to know that your choices are always the right choice. This world has a way of making single mothers feel wrong and inadequate. There is nothing you can not do! It sounds like you have ahandle on this. I hope you didnt think i was judging your family. I wasnt. I was just thinking about 12 years old and on your own,just wanted you to know as a mother I wanted to give you a hug for that.

I too felt the same way with my post ..as I typed to reply my fingers just went to town and found myself not finding an end to it. Your post brought out more similarities than diferences that we share even though we are a generation apart.

You go Girl!

Thanks Sue, I appreciate your input!

It was pretty crazy leaving so young, but it also made me a strong person, which I need to be, being a single mother. I have really rough days, it is very hard most the time, but I see the payoff for all the hard work I do do for my daughter, and that it was matters most to me right now. I'm still young, and I will have time for me one day. Time to figure out who the hell I am, I don't even know, and as much as that scares me, it also makes me feel comfoted in knowing I have a big task to do later on in my life.

[eejit101]

You know, i shud post one of these, problem is with all my "true life" posts ive done recently... theres not much i can say.

I will post a pic tho!!!

[knowledge]

that was a mistake (haha)